Confused about what colour eye shadow suits you? Not having much luck with the opposite sex? Pregnant by your brother? Whatever the problem, mail it to our all-knowing, all-singing, all-dancing resident agony aunt. She gives good advice and she's cheaper than a psychiatrist so why not....

"I'll do my best to help you out, no matter what's the matter,
So mail me with your dire dilemma - we'll have a good old natter!"

ok my problem is that I have known my fiance for the past 2 years, we have been together the last year and recently got engaged, as you do you talk about the future and I have now learnt he wants to get wed but still live in separate towns (he lives 30 miles away). He also wants us to have a baby but still live apart and his attitude towards this is "well I`ll still be here 50% of the time," which he won't be - he will stay one or two nights like he does now. I'm all for giving each other space and living independantly but I can't help feel he's got his cake and eating it! A wifey at home but a nice single life in another town. Is he taking the pee and should I tell him to sod off?

Er, yes and perhaps. Coo, it weren't like this in my day. Back then you'd be lucky to spend five minutes alone with your intended before you were moved into his house permanently. But the sufragettes didn't throw themselves under horses and chain themselves to railings so that today, nearly a century later, men can blatantly screw over women in the name of equal rights.
How's this - you have a baby, and it lives with him! Is he still enthusiastic?
You're wrong on one count, lovey. He doesn't have his cake to eat - yet. But this is definitely something that needs resolving before you tread the aisle to wedded bliss. What works for the two of you might now be traditional, it may not go down well with other people - but it has to work for BOTH of you. If you're not happy then it's got to change. Marriage isn't something to shake a leg at and rush into on account of the fact you need a new toaster (waggle finger patronisingly). Perhaps it's better to call off the wedding until he's ready to participate in a marriage.
But make sure you're sure before you tell him to sod off. There must be a few good reasons why you agreed to marry him in the first place.

I have a bad weight problem and it is getting worse. 2 years ago I used to be 15 stones, but since then I have gained 2 stone. I have tried all sorts of diets and none of them are working. My doctor says that the way that I am going, that I will be disabled by another 3-5 years. Is there anything that you can recommend me for weight lost?

My, what a helpful doctor you have. He's a keeper!
Well, me dear, I can only tell you what worked for me. As with many Aunties, I have been overweight myself since I was, ooo, about 10. In fact, three years ago I weighed 18 stone! I was never really that fat looking, more of a buxom beauty, amazonian of stature, that sort of thing, on account of my towering height. But I had high blood pressure and assorted other related disorders. I eventually came to the conclusion that the only thing that works is eating less and exercising more. That's bad news, I know, because it's very easy to dole out the advice and much more difficult to follow it.
I have managed, however, to lose three and a half stone in the past two years. Without trying to sound too much like a door knocking convert, I joined Slimming World (check out their website!) and found their plan excellent, because you can eat as much as you like and I've always loved huge portions. I know friends who have had similar success at WeightWatchers, so I suppose it is just what works for you. Joining a class is incredibly scary, even this formidable old bat went home and cried her eyes out the first time she went along, but it gets easier. You could try buying their magazine and following the diet plans in that for a week, get a feel for it.
If that's not your cup of tea, you could always buy a book on the Atkins diet, although the jury's still out on how healthy the plan is as far as I'm concerned. Again, though, a member of my family has lost three stone since Christmas so it works for some people.

At the end of the day, it well and truly sucks, but there are no quick fixes that work in the long term. It's about self-discipline though, not self-deprivation - that's an Aunty Sallyism! - and if you're anything like me, you'll find that you'll do something that works, and you'll love doing it because your clothes get looser and people who haven't seen you for a while look amazed! Good luck! Let me know what happens!
PS Your doctor should offer you advice and assistance if you want it, it's all very well to tell you you'll end up disabled but he's supposed to help you!

Hi! Should a girl shave their pubic region before having sex?

Ooooh dear, that's a prickly issue...
It's not medically necessary, no. Some men express a preference for it when they're giving women oral pleasure, but, well, who cares what they think?! It's up to you. But bear in mind these three things -
1. You should NEVER shave it as the skin is too delicate - wax or use a hair removing cream.
2. You'll probably end up with chicken skin after a couple of days and maybe even red bumps from ingrowing hairs. Use a facial exfoliator in the shower to improve this unattractive state.
3. When it grows back...it's going to itch like bejeezus.

I am a 20 yr old female and soon will be 21. I have this male friend whom I can call maybe a boy, he is 19. The problem is at first we never used to get along - I didn't like him. But when I moved to his neighbourhood, we started being real good friends, such that I fell in love with him. Is it right?

Ooooh! That's such a lovely thing when that happens. The BEST relationships start off as friendships - Uncle Z and I began in much the same way and we're just overflowing with happiness. Of course, if he doesn't feel the same way then you might have a bit of a problem, and you should perhaps be very careful about how you go about finding out his feelings towards you. Try not to ask him out outright, since if he says no then you might not be such good friends anymore. The surefire way of finding out if a boy - or man, for that matter - is interested in you is to tell him about someone else who is interested in you. Make someone up and tell your friend that you've been asked out on a date, or given flowers. See how he reacts. If he goes all quiet and changes the subject, then there's a very good chance that, in fact, he likes you as much as you like him. Hopefully he will, and you can go on to be very happy together!

I am a 16 year old teenager who desperately wants a baby. I cry myself to sleep at night because the one thing I want in life I have not got. I am too scared to have sex in case I don't know what to do and also I have never even kissed a boy because I am very shy around boys. Is there any other way I could get pregnant, like sperm donation for teenagers? Please help me, I am desperate.

Way back when I was 16, my best friend desperately wanted a baby. She even made sure that all the universities she applied for out of school had creches, so that she could continue with her education. She didn't, however, go through with it. And if I am truthful with my advice, I think that it would be wisest for you to reconsider too.

You have doubtless considered the ramifications of having a baby. It will be utterly dependent on you for at least the next ten years. You won't be able to go out much, and building relationships with boys will be much harder than you are finding it at the moment. Babies are lovely things - I adore the little bundles of joy, all cutie cheeks and wickle fingers. But they are a 24 hour commitment. And you also need to consider, if you haven't already, what will happen when it grows up and startes asking about its father. There are a lot of single parents out there doing a fantastic job, but the situation is not ideal - not only does the child miss out on the company of one parent, but you miss out on a lot of much-needed support and somebody to share the experience with.

I suspect, my sweet, that perhaps your motives for having a child are the creation of something else. You say you are very shy around boys and haven't kissed one yet - do you feel left out? Perhaps you don't have many friends; perhaps your parents aren't around very much; perhaps you're lonely. A lot of women long for a child because it will be all theirs - it will be around to keep them company for years, they can be responsible for making it happy and keeping it safe - an object for them to lavish with love. A baby is not the answer to these problems. Children pick up on things, and being a stop gap solution for deeper rooted problems is not a good reason to base your existence on.

That said, lots of women have their babies young these days. I think perhaps the best thing for you to do, though, is to think about getting yourself a boyfriend before you think about getting yourself a baby. It is very, very unlikely that you'll be able to get pregnant via sperm donation at your age. Work on building up to asking someone out. If you have access to the internet, build up your confidence with boys by chatting to them online first - this is an excellent way to lose your shyness (it worked for a very close friend of mine). Remember the old advice about spiders, too - they're more scared of you than you are of them. When you've got a boyfriend, you can start to think about building your future together and having a baby. It might take longer this way, but it will work out better for you and your child in the long run. Children are not a short-term activity; you shouldn't use a short cut to get one.

My boyfriend has crabs and I never have, ever! So if i don't have them ... where did he get them from? He says that it's my fault for not washing his clothes but... I'm thinking he's cheated on me and suffering the consequences.
But what do i do?

There is somebody back here yelling, "WHAT A WANK! DITCH THE BASTARD!" But that's not the sort of advice Aunty Sally would automatically give, since I pride myself on giving everybody the benefit of the doubt.

Now, it *is* worth remembering that you can catch crabs without having sex with somebody - from sharing towels with an infected person, for example. The fact that he is blaming you indicates one of two things -
1) He doesn't know how he's got them, is horribly embarrassed and blaming it on you because of that.
2) He does know where he got them from, is horrible and blaming it on you because of that.

I'll be blunt - he shouldn't be blaming you. That's a really rubbish thing to do - really mean and low. You are not his slave to wash his clothes. You might eventually suffer from fleas or lice if you didn't wash your clothes for about a year, but crabs don't come from dirty clothes. If he's been fooling around and is blaming you, then seriously you have to ditch this guy because he is a total arsehole and doesn't care about you at all. Given the history, that's going to be very hard to come to terms with but in the end you do not want to be anywhere near someone like that. It also goes without saying that you shouldn't sleep with him, or in his bed, unless you fancy catching them too.

I think the only thing you can do is confront him about it. Tell him you know what he said about the clothes is rubbish and he owes you the truth. Crabs are relatively harmless; herpes, HIV - they're not, and they could be what he brings back next time. Maybe he truly doesn't know how he caught them - you just have to decide how much you trust him, and grill him on it. When you know the truth, it's also up to you to decide whether you can get over him cheating and move on with your relationship. If this guy is as bad as he is coming across though, you're not losing much.

With regard to revenge, tell him to shave his pubic hair off if he wants to get rid of them, since it will itch like hell when it grows back. So I'm told.

Hello Aunty Sally, can you help me?
One of my public house customers has a personal hygiene problem, he stinks and his clothes and now other customers are complaining. How do I tell him without losing his custom and his friendship?

(Surreptitiously sniffs armpit) I hope you're not the new land-person of my local trying to drop a few hints, but no, I only ever smell of Oil of Ulay (stockpiled it before they changed the name, dontcha know), Lily of the Valley and Bourjois facepowder.

Anyway, the way I see it, there are three ways of playing this -
1. You tell him outright, to his face. He might appreciate your honesty and will never get any sort of inkling that you have been discussing his personal hygiene behind his back - which might be a quicker route to a lost friendship than having a quiet word.
2. You get the pub loudmouth to start yelling, "Alright, STINKY?!" everytime he enters the bar. I'm sure you have a pub loudmouth or two handy. If not, let me know where you are and I'll come down and do it. Possibly. Eventually he'll get the message, especially if, after he complains, you say, "Well he's got a point (wink) (laugh) (walk quickly off to serve elsewhere)".
3. This is the science one. Wait til he's standing at the bar and have a few pints lined up along it (drip tray ones will do). "Accidentally" trip and smack into them, spilling them all over him. Apologise profusely, and happen to have a spare change of clothes in the back. Even better, if you live on the premises, INSIST he uses your shower "to stop him smelling too much of beer" (have some old towels from the dog handy or something). Make sure other regulars, as well as yourself, comment on how good he smells afterwards. He might like having his ego stroked and make the effort to wash himself more regularly.

That's the best I can do. It's worth remembering that James I of England (VI of Scotland) never, ever took a bath and contented himself with dabbing the ends of his fingers with the damp corner of a napkin every now and then, changing his clothes only when they fell to rags. AND he used to go hunting and smear himself with the entrails of his kill. This story has two morals - firstly, it could be worse, and secondly, you never know what sort of person hides under a layer of filth.

Where to begin? I wrote to you before about my best friend wanting to be more than friends and I said yes no problems. Everything's been so great, we do everything together almost and I'm sorry I even thought of refusing to be his girlfriend. My problem is one of my friends has jut noticed how great a guy he is after I started dating him. Constantly I find her trying to sway him - flirting, her hands in his hair, and I can't stand it. My boyfriend repeatedly tells me he has no interest in her but whatever I do she won't back off I think it's really rude and annoying now. She's become the third wheel, just happening to be in the area whenever we go to the movies, park, mall, Lunch, dinner, she's always there! What could I do to make her take a hint and leave my boyfriend and I alone?

Hmmm. Well, there are a few courses of action you could take. They depend on how much you like your friend, and how well you know her.
You could both develop unbelievably bad body odour so she can't bear to be near you (bit drastic!). You could start doing very boring things together for a while so that she'll get bored and stop wanting to hang out with you guys. Or you could be OVERLY friendly towards her - really clingy and touchy feely - and hope she gets so weirded out that she leaves you alone of her own accord. Those are all a bit silly, though.
The simplest, and therefore best, thing to do is just to sit her down and talk to her about it. Tell her that you that you love having her around but that you really, really like this guy and you want to spend more time alone with him. Explain that you're starting to feel as though three is a crowd, and you've really agonised about telling her because you don't want to hurt her feelings, but she needs to back off. She might, after all, not even realise what she's doing - she might just be lonely or something.
If she doesn't get the hint, then you'll have to be a bit less polite. What she's doing IS rude, you're right - so there's no reason why you shouldn't be rude and tell her to get lost. But obviously, this might affect your friendship. I think you have to ask yourself though - how good of a friend is she if she's going to try and steal your boyfriend right out from under your nose?!
It's always best to think the best of people until you're proven wrong (that's an Aunty Sally law - not everyone would agree!). Give her the benefit of the doubt, and point out her anti-social behaviour gently and tactfully, in case she hasn't realised she's doing anything wrong. Even if she has been doing it on purpose, she might be so embarrassed about you calling her bluff that she'll stop anyway. If she doesn't, put the boot in and tell her to get lost. You sound like you're getting on brilliantly with your boyfriend, congratulations - don't let anyone spoil it.
And let me know what happens! I am very nosey *wink*

Dear Aunty Sally,
I need some advice on behalf of a beloved friend. After spending 3 years of his valuable life in Lancaster University studying History and the such like he now has delusions of grandeur and is attempting to become a Teacher. His name is Nicholas Rogers [name changed to randomly generated moniker for privacy purposes]. Not that I wish to put him down, he's a great bloke. It's just that I, one of his oldest friends know about his secret and sorded past. This includes fantasising about using Chalks, Canes, Board Dusters, OHP's and other instruments that are found in and around our public education system. He has a great lack of coordination and his hand writting, well, thats certainly nothing to write home about (even his parents can't read it!!) How can I stop my friend from realising his dream? Fulfilling his potential? and having a sparkling career?
Please please please help, your my last resort, Claire Raynor says she's to busy to deal with this "shit" (& I quote)

Well, young man. Please note the spelling of "Sordid" and write it out a hundred times in your best handwriting (smirk).

What a thorny issue! This is what I suggest. Everybody knows that the Criminal Records Bureau is rubbish and totally backed up. Only one girl on the course your friend is on got her police check certificate back before she started teaching (the owner of this website, in fact) and that's because she's so far up her own arse she applied for it three months before the course even started.
With this in mind, I suggest you put this cunning plan into action:
1. Move to the city the CRB is based in - this might mean throwing away your own career, but who cares?!
2. Make friends with a computer hacker.
3. Wangle a job with them. Bribe people - even offer to sleep with the chief boss person - I don't care if it's a man, goddammit!
4. Somehow get yourself assigned to check your friend's police record.
5. Use your computer hacker friend to add unsavoury details to your friend's record - name his as the man behind the grassy knoll, the man hiding in the toilets the day George Michael was arrested, and so on. Be inventive!
6. Mysteriously disappear.
Et voila! Your friend will be refused police clearance, thus ending his teaching career, and possibly any other career, damning him to a life of putting flyers under the windscreen wipers of peoples' cars forever.

If that seems a bit drastic, put him off by making sure he is working in one of the scariest schools in the Midlands for his first teaching block. Oh wait, I forgot - he already is!

And can I just clarify....canes? What century did you go to school in?!

Oh my god! This guy (shall we call him Bob?) asked me out on saturday and I said no. He has gone round his whole school saying I said yes and I have slept with him even though I only met him for half and hour and we were with 6 other people the whole time. Now everyone hates me and they're calling me a slut, what can I do to make them believe me?

Boys are horrible. ALL boys are horrible at some point in their lives (as are girls, but that's a story for another day). You have found this out first hand now. Pray that one day you get the chance to take suitable revenge on Bob.
Until then, however, you seem to have a big problem on your hands. It's not that big, though. In fact, now you're definitely sure about who your friends are - they're the ones who believe you. The opinion of the others doesn't matter, although it's tough to believe that.

How to make them believe you? That's a puzzle. In fact, I don't think there is a solution to it. By denying it over and over again you'll just be keeping the issue alive when it probably would have just blown over eventually. Even though it's hard to see it, it really doesn't matter what the lesser people of the school think about you. Your real friends should know better. I'm assuming that there should be a few people who believe you - have them spread the word. Tell them how important it is to you that, if they hear people bitching about you, they should set them straight.

Other than that, there isn't really much you can do other than holding your head high and saying, "I don't care what you think - I know I didn't have sex with him, that's what's important, and it's really quite sad that Bob's so desperate he'd make up a story about me just to get friends....what a pathetic loser, I feel quite sorry for him really..." Be magnanimous - don't stoop to his level. And don't get into arguments about it - don't rely on facts that prove it didn't happen because they won't work. Just stick to telling people that you know it didn't happen and they don't know anything. When they see it's not winding you up, they'll soon get bored and start picking on somebody else. Hopefully, Bob.

Dear Aunt Sally
I was wondering if you could help me. I can't talk to girls. My friends say I am scared of them. Every time they talk to me I walk away, or if I talk to them I eventually screw it up. Could you please help me?

ĦAh, l'femme! Object of desire, creator of nerves, reason for deep, dark, crushing despair... you don't say how old you are, so I suppose I cannot tell you to have a nip of the old hip flask like Uncle Z did before he wailed "Christ save me!" and professed his intention to court me (it was beautiful - we barely noticed my dad standing with a shotgun to Uncle Z's head). This is probably not the best of ideas anyway, because one nip too many is far more unnappealing than a shy guy.

I'm a 16 year old virgin and it's not that I'm overweight or anything because I'm quite slim, but I have bright red stretch marks on the inside of my thighs and around my hips. I'm worried they'll put lads off. They're really depressing me and most days I really just can't handle it. I get loads of looks and phone numbers off guys but if only they knew what was going on down there. I'm really stressed please help. I wanted to know if there is anything i could do about it other than surgery as that costs too much. If that was the last option, around how much would it be?

Here is a website that deals with laser surgery for stretch marks - The London Cosmetic Laser Centre. They have some before and after pictures and an email address for information. I found this through an advertisement in the back of an issue of Cosmopolitan - there are tonnes of them in there, and in the American version too, if that's where you are from.

Without surgery, there are some things you can do to reduce the marks. I am a comely maiden, it's true, but I used to be a lot...cough....comelier, and with the weight loss has come a plethora of stretch marks. No kidding - my stomach looks like a road map. I too contemplated laser surgery, but Uncle Z suggested exercise, and I found sit ups helped, along with firming moisturiser (I use Nivea Q10). Maybe you could try squats? After a few weeks they did fade out a bit. I have heard people suggest cocoa butter lotion, vitamin E cream or olive oil mixed with sugar, but I can't vouch for these. Fake (or real) tan makes them a lot less noticeable, too.
But here is my top tip. Scroll down this page a ways and you will see a letter from a young man who also suffers from stretch marks. They affect everybody, and are honestly not a big deal. And here is another thing to remember - if you get naked in front of a man, he isn't going to care about the condition of your skin. He'll be totally awestruck by the fact he has got a naked woman in front of him. Believe in yourself as a whole, gorgeous package, and remember that EVERYONE has issues with some part of their body.

I've been good friends with this boy I know for like 5 yrs but just recently he asked me out. I told him I needed to think about because we're best friends and we've gone out with other people before but I'm confused. We always talked to each other about the opposite sex. I don't want to end up like that song and our whole friendship ruined. What should I do?

Ah, sweet love. This exact thing happened to me once. I dated the guy for about three months and then broke his heart like a heinous bitch, but luckily he is a grade A platinum guy and we are really good friends, still. So it can work out, even in the worst circumstances. The only regret I had about the whole thing is that I knew we weren't right when he asked me out, and I said yes because I wanted to avoid hurting his feelings. That was the worst part. How do you feel about the guy? You don't say in your letter. Do you think you could be more than friends? If you can't see it happening, don't go out with him for the sake of his feelings, because it will only turn out harder for him.
If you *DO* decide to date him, then make sure you keep TALKING! If you are having issues with the relationship, then don't forget that you started out as best friends and you can talk about anything. Don't let it fester and bitch to your friends about him because that will do you no favours. If you've spoken with him about previous boyfriends then he should definitely be cool about you speaking to him about himself.
The odds are good for it working out well, if you're already good friends, but make sure there is some spark there, and make sure you are honest with each other in all things.

Dear Aunty Sally
I have a problem with a young lady who comes into my pub, drinks copious amounts of vodka, lime and soda, then insists I help her play Battleships, Around The World In 80 Days, and Spot The Difference. My Husband (the landlord) thinks i'm neglecting the cleaning, whilst assisting this lady to win vast amounts of money!!!!
If you can help me, it will stop me visiting RELATE.

This one is easy! Tell your husband that you're actually a spy and that the young lady in question is wanted in six different countries for treason, terrorism and espionage, and you have to stay close to her to make sure she doesn't hack the quiz machine and use it for subversive activities.
Not only will your husband get an illicit thrill from realising that his wife has been leading a secret double life, you'll get out of the cleaning! Double bonus.

Dear Aunty Sally
Hi. I have never worn eye-shadow before, but want to. The problem is that I don't know what colour suits me, and I'm too shy to sample with the testers. I'm Chinese, but play softball so I have a bronze-brown tan. My eyes are dark brown, almost black. My hair is naturally black too. I think you give good advice, so please help me.

Oh well....*simper* *simper* thank you so much for the compliment young man...young lady...you can never assume anything in this game!
Now, when it comes to eye shadow, this aging-in-years-but-not-in-looks vixen always sticks to bright, powder blue with plenty of green highlights and some pink-red lipstick and blusher, but not everybody has the perfect skintone that I have and so not everybody can carry that off. Since you have brown eyes and black hair, the obvious choices are to move towards the golds and browns. The new fashion is for NUDE colours but I can't be having with them - subtlety is not my strong point. But if you want to take that route, try and nice pale straw colour. Use the darker colours on your eyelids and the paler colours up towards your eyebrows, or you might end up looking like a Marilyn Manson fan. Which is fine, readers, absolutely fine, nothing wrong with that, as long as you ARE a Marilyn Manson fan.

For evenings out with your beau (or beauette) try a gold cream eyeshadow with sparkly bits in. You should have a nice matt brown shade for everyday wear, and with your skintone you really could get away with a little black now and again, sweetie. For shock factor, try some green, but go easy on it and pick a khaki shade. If you are too nervous to use the testers, invite yourself round to a girlfriend's house and try hers, while she's out of the room if you are shy.

Dear Aunty Sally
Not much of a dilemma here, although I can't decide what to serve with black lace for dinner on Valentine's day. If I serve sushi, I might have a horrible complex, crab legs might scare him off and shrimp might give *him* a complex. So perhaps I'll just play it safe and call out for pizza, rub a little oil on me and throw out that black lace. Whatcha think? Take a bite out of this one, Aunty Sally.
Signed, Decrepit Diva

Dear Decrepit Diva,
Old people shouldn't do it. 'Nuff said.
OK, I take that back, old people related to me shouldn't do it. And if they do, they shouldn't tell me about it. Aunty Sally has her own hormones to deal with, you know, without having to be grossed out by...I cannot even bring myself to speak of it!
As for what to serve for dinner, a nice big steak to make him feel suitably manly. Try and convince him to go out and kill an animal and drag it back to the apartment for you to feast on, even if it's only a roach. That should do something good for the testosterone levels. Failing that, something sloppy that you can eat with your fingers. No more advice from me on this matter though, never let it be said that I have a hand in the sex lives of relatives *shudder*

I'm 16 yrs old and have been going out with a girl who I dearly love. The only problem is she is 13yrs old and everyone round me thinks I'm weird and that I'm just taking advantage of her. Her dad has told me to leave her alone but the way we feel we just can't keep our hands of each other. We have sex when ever we can and the biggest problem of them all is that she is 2months pregnant and we have to tell her dad and my family. I'm worried that her dad will just flip and do something. Do you think I'm disgusting for being in love with a 13yr old? I would really like to hear what you think. I need an answer, so we can decide what to do.

Hmmm, what a pickle. Well, firstly, no, I don't think you're disgusting for being in love with a 13 year old, and I don't think you're taking advantage of her as long as you haven't made her do anything she doesn't want to do, and if you love her as much as you say you do, then you won't have done. I do have to wag my finger at you in a very aunty-type way for not being more careful when it came to the sex, I can imagine the horrors of unplanned pregnancy even at this age, and at 13 it's certainly got to be worse. You're right about having to tell her dad. You also have to decide what you're going to do about the baby - there are several options and none of the doors have closed yet, but you must make up your minds quickly. Be fairly sure that her dad will indeed flip out, but with any luck he will listen to what you have to say and not beat you up Robbie-Jackson style, since, knowing parents, his daughter's happiness is more important to him than anything else, and if he sees that you make her happy this will go in your favour. Yes, it's a big mess, but it's not totally helpless. Just get it over with - this problem is too big for the two of you to deal with on your own and you need the support and advice of your families to get you through it. You're very young to be in this kind of relationship but you made the decision to take this road and now you have to face up to the challenges it's presenting.

But, trust me, you're not weird, or perverted. You can never choose who you fall in love with, it just happens, at any age, and there are plenty of people out there in the same boat as the two of you. People might say you're disgusting, but that's just the collective morals people have - you will be labeled, but if you think you have something special then you should just ignore what other people say, at the end of the day it's only words, and maybe even jealous ones (from your friends) at that. They're hardly going to form a lynch mob, are they (grin) Best of luck with whatever you decide to do, and make sure you talk to your families within the next couple of days - together, if possible. Maybe it would be better to tell your family first, if they are not as disapproving as her father.

I'm an 18 year old boy and am in a long term relationship. I've been having sex with my girlfriend now for about six months. She is the first person for me to be intimate with and I dont want to hurt her feelings but I have only orgasmed once. She enjoys the sex (as far as I know) and I tell her I do because I feel there is something wrong with me and really dont want to hurt her feelings. I cant tell her that I've only orgasmed once in the last six months, it would kill her as I've pretended to enjoy it, but I need to be able to enjoy as much as she seems to. I masturbate quite a lot to relieve my sexual frustration - could this be my problem? I've heard that masturbating lowers your sexual activity. Please please can you help me as I love my girlfriend and want to be properly intimate with her.

Well, this is a sticky situation...or not as the case may be. I don't think masturbation is the problem, I seem to remember reading somewhere that this actually makes things run more smoothly because you learn to tune into your own body and what turns you on. Your problem's not an unusual one, trust me. The general opinion seems to be that you just need to relax more, you probably feel under a lot of pressure since this is the first girl you've been with, and that can really destroy the mood. Spend more time messing about beforehand, try different things...my friend says try tying her up...this may not be your cup of tea, but there are lots of things you can do to lighten the situation. Make it more fun, remember it's about enjoying it, and concentrate on that, not on the fact that you feel you should be enjoying it. Don't take it too seriously or you'll get all caught up in matters of performance and forget that it should be fun. There's nothing wrong with you, sex is an icky business and it takes time to get it right, but it will come in the end. Sorry, bad pun. You never know, she might be feeling the same as you but be too scared to tell you just the same. There's a lot of pressure these days for eveything to be perfect from the start, and it's just not like that. Six months isn't that long. Really don't worry....write again if it's still a problem in another six months, after you've tried all this, but I honestly don't think it will be. Good luck!

Dear Aunty Sally,
I am a fifteen year old girl and although I don't have really bad acne I do have quite a few spots that I can't seem to get rid of and they are draining my self confidence! What do you suggest?

In a word - toothpaste. Dries them out overnight. But it seems that only works for me, from the asking around I've done. Apparently Oxy-10 is the best stuff out there. I can sympathise, I never got really bad acne as a teenager but the occasional spot has blighted me every so often to the present day. I just try and comfort myself by thinking that most men stare at my tits when they're talking to me rather than my face. Failing that I walk around with my hand over my face...but you know, it's the same for *everyone*. I'm sorry not to be more help, but that's how it is!

Dear Auntie,
My name is Bob and for almost 27 years I have had a drug problem with medications one can buy from your local pharmacy, preparations containing codeine/morphine. The only illegal drug I use now and then, is cannabis. My addiction has cost me a lot apart from money. I was a trained nurse, but have lost my job, my self respect, and more recently health. Ten years ago I had a MI, and needed CABPG (by pass). Now I need a new heart, without which I will die in about two years if lucky! I cannot stop, it's as simple as that. I am now almost 46, and have no control over my addiction. I see a doctor who does his best.
What would help is talking to others with the same problem. Can you help? I live in Aberdeen Scotland, and am now considering suicide as I feel a total waste of space. My wife would have a better life without my antics. Thanks for reading this, love and peace

Dear Bob,
I'm sorry you're so sick. I can suggest phoning the National Drugs Helpline on 0800 776600 because they might be able to give you some advice about about finding people with similar problems for you to talk to. Also try here for a list of drugs support groups, including Scottish ones. Has your long-suffering doctor recommended counselling? If not, ask him or her, or if you can't face talking face-to-face, phone the Samaritans on 0345 90 90 90. And you can always mail me if you get really desperate!

Please help, I don't know if you deal with these kinds of problems but well here it is. When I masturbate, I get small red spots on my penis, what is wrong with me?? How do I get rid of it? And will it go away?? Please help and if you can't, please tell me a site that will. Thankyou.

Well, I did a quick survey among my male friends who don't embarrass easily, and the general conclusion is that, unless you have sandpaper taped to your palm, red spots are not normal. Might you have something on your hand that your skin is sensitive to, some kind of hand cream or lotion or something? Since I'm not a doctor or a man, there's not much I can say to help. But I did look on the web for you, and I found Intelihealth which appears to answer questions about medical problems, including rashes and the like. If the spots fade away after a while then it might just be heat rash or friction burn in which case there's nothing to worry about. Maybe it's punishment from God because masturbation is sick and wrong. No I'm just kidding (grin). Really, the best thing to do is see your GP. I'm sure he's heard it all before!

I'm a 16 year old boy, and I've never properly kissed a girl before. I'm worried that when I come to do this with a girl, she'll realise, and my chances will be blown. Could you tell me how to kiss?

Kissing is one of the most natural things in the world and trust me, it is virtually impossible to tell if the person you're kissing has ever kissed anyone else before. The best advice I can give you is to just wait until the moment arrives and then go with the flow; I remember the first time I kissed someone I got dead flustered trying to remember the advice from Just Seventeen until I realised I should just relax and enjoy it! But I suppose a few tips are not out of the question
1. Tilt your head a bit to avoid breaking her nose.
2. Don't press too hard cos if your girl goes home with a split lip, it's pretty safe to assume that you will soon have one too...who can forget the shining example of Robbie Jackson in Eastenders?! Plus, blood is not sexy, unless you are a vampire.
3. Remember the old proverb - "Never trust a man who kisses with his eyes open"
4. Cardinal rule: what do you kiss with? Your lips. NOT your tongue! Tongue is not bad. But it should not be your main focus!

Finally, if all else fails, as with so many things, you can always practice on your hand Just keep it behind closed doors cos you might get some funny looks snogging your hand on the way to school. Best of luck!

Dear Aunty Sally,
This is the first time I've ever done anything like this but I've got a problem and I think I need some 'professional advice'. I'm 19 years old and I'm completely in love with a girl I work with. I've known her for over a year and we have been very good friends and at times much more. She knows how I feel about her but the problem is I don't think she knows how she feels about me. At one point we were seeing each other virtually everday after work and going to the cinema together every weekend, but everytime I brought up the subject of becoming more than friends she would fly off the handle at me. Sometimes she is so nice to me, and other times for apparently no reason she becomes very hostile and pushes me away, usually just after we've become very close. Sometimes we have arguments over the smallest things and we don't speak to each other for days on end, she doesn't do this with anyone else. The only time she really opens up to me is when she's had a drink, she becomes very affectionate and tells me that she loves me. But everytime without fail the next day she is hostile again and tries to push me away. Sometimes it seems that she loves me and at other times it seems that she hates me. Some of my friends say that she really does want to be with me but she is just scared and I need to give her time, while other friends say she simply doesn't want to be with me. We've recently gone through a rough patch. I don't know what to do, I love her with all my heart but should I move on and find someone else or should I stand by her and be patient in the hope that one day she'll want to be with me?
Please help!

Right, I had a bit of a discussion with my (female) flatmates about this one, and we are all agreed, that she is probably crazy about you. We all admitted to having acted in exactly the same way with guys in the past - sometimes best friends, sometimes worst enemies - because it's very difficult to know for sure how someone feels about you. You claim that she knows that you would like there to be more between you: have you spelled this out in words of one syllable? People can be pretty dense when it comes to relationships. The girl, then, has on occasion laid her feelings open to you, but then realised that by doing so, she's laid herself open to being hurt, so she pulls back and acts like she doesn't care. Defence mechanisms and all that. In this case, all I can suggest is that you sit down and have a heart to heart with her, somewhere where she can't run away and has to admit her feelings.
The other possibility is that she is interested in you, but nervous about ruining your friendship. Naturally, once you go past a certain point in a relationship, it is impossible to go back, no matter what you think. In this case, she is probably putting off starting anything with you because she wants to be absolutely sure about what she's doing before she takes it further. It sounds like you guys have a very special thing going, so I would advise you to hang around. But it all depends on how much you are prepared to put up with. It could take a very long time, and if nothing comes of it in the end, and you've waited for her, then you might be annoyed and lose her friendship anyway.
These are all interesting issues! The best piece of advice I can give you is to talk to her, because, in my own experience, it saves a lot of shadow boxing and if it turns out bad, at least it's keeping you humble (grin). Other than that, I would suggest taking a long hard look at yourself. Are you consistent in the way you behave towards her? Ask yourself questions. there are very few problems that can't be solved through self-reflection.
A final girlie tip - we love to be chased. Playing hard to get is a favourite game. Think of it as a little test, which, if you pass, will bear high rewards

Me and my boyfriend were getting on really well untill a few months ago. I took him to meet a few of my friends and they all got on really well. A few days ago one of the friends that he met said that he had come down the road that she lived in and knocked on another girls door. then they went to the newsagent and she saw them snogging outside. But the thing is that I don't know if I should believe my friend because she isn't exactly truthful all the time. I was going to ring him but now I am not to sure if that is the right thing to do. I wouldn't know what to say if he said that he didn't do that, should I believe him or not?

If nobody ever told any lies in this world, Agony Aunts like me would be out of business! If you don't trust your friend, then the best thing I can suggest is that you just ask your boyfriend, this is absolutely the right thing to do. If he says it's not true, then confront your friend about it. Better still, why not ask the girl he was supposed to have been kissing? A long shot, I know, but she might be his sister...and they might be very very close...OK maybe not....If you cannot bring yourself to do any of this, then buy a pair of binoculars and a black catsuit and start stalking the guy. Restraining orders aren't that big of a deal, you know, and I don't think they show up on your criminal record (grin). Best of luck! As a last resort, chuck him. If he doesn't like you stalking him, in my opinion, he just isn't worth it.

Hi. I love a girl but she does not love me. At first we were good friends for one year but when I told her that I love her she just stopped talking to me and to make things worse her friends have also started to ignore me.
help.

Awwww.....I'll not put any sugars in your tea because it's obvious that you're already sweet enough!
Ah, l'amour, it causes such problems. It sounds like you're very mixed up about this girl at the moment. What I suggest you do is try and talk to her: if she was a good friend, then I'm sure you want to try and get something back. It should go in your favour that you were at least honest about your feelings. Try telling her that even though you feel like this, nothing has to change, you can go on as friends just like before. If you can't pluck up the courage to speak to her, then be brave and approach one of her friends. If they blank you, then try harder, it may be scary but try thinking about it in terms of what you have to gain by doing it, and I'm sure it'll help.
If you find that she still won't talk to you even after all your efforts then, and I know this is going to be hard to believe, but she isn't worth the trouble. If Aunty Sally has learned anything during "interesting" life then it's that nothing is ever as bad as you think it is. She's probably just afraid of giving you the wrong idea.
And finally, if you're feeling embarrassed, write back to me and I will tell you some stories that will make you glad to be where you are today
Hope that was useful! Come back for tea anytime!

Dear Sally,
My head hurts lots when I wear traffic cones at strange parties.
Yours, Confused
ICT Network Manager, The Grange Community School

Dear Confused,
I have 3 pieces of advice for you.
Firstly, you should make sure that it is in fact the traffic cones that are making your head hurt and not that job, the title alone of which is frankly migraine-forming.
Secondly, if it is the traffic cones, there is certainly no need to cease being seen with them. I have found them to be quite a fashion statement in the past, although they never seem to be very popular with hotel managers. My suggestion is that instead of wearing the cone on your head, do something else with it, such as placing it squarely in the middle of a car park and dancing drunkenly around it. You can pretend it is a pole or a handbag, depending on how you are feeling.
My final piece of advice is this - if the traffic cone is high up, say, on the roof of a garage, you should find someone taller and more lucid than you to get it down. This is especially important in those "this was vodka right? - no gin, you asked for gin - well now it's vodka *and* gin" moments.

Hi I have a dilemma. 2 years ago while at my workplace I saw this beautiful lady and was attracted to her straight away. During the course of time I found she was the new travel manager. I worked in the postroom so I saw her everyday, but I was so shy the only thing I said to her was hi. A year later she left the company. But I still think about her and I know she liked me because she was always smiling when I saw her in the street and said hi and she looked a little upset when I saw her for the last time when she left. I knew she liked me but she was waiting for me to make the first move: I couldn't, I was just a clerk and she was a manager and I am shy with women.
Being in the postroom I have her address where she works and can't stop thinking about her. I was wondering if it was a good idea to send her a valentine gift and card to tell her I still like her and just to tell I really did like her so I could get it off my chest even though its been a year since I saw her and she could have a boyfriend.
I just want to tell her so I don't regret this choice later in life.

It sounds as though you were pretty sure that she liked you at the time, so I wonder what has changed. I definitely think you should write to her, I mean, I guess you have to look at it in terms of what you have to lose. If you never hear from her again then c'est la vie, but think what you have to gain! For all you know she could be wishing she knew how to get in touch with you to tell you the same thing. And even if this isn't the case, who knows what feelings might be rekindled by a small token of your affections. Like you say, if you never tell her you'll never know what might have been. What's even better about your plan is that, if you are shy with women like you say, this way you don't have to make contact with her face to face which can be a lot easier. So go for it!

I am a 14 year old boy, and I have recently noticed what seems like a vein-like structure on my back. It seems to resemble stretch marks. They have a tree-like structure, and look a bit like scratches. They seem to be going into my skin, by about 2mm. I have a fairly slender body, although I am not very active. I feel that I may have acquired these marks for sitting on my computer chair too much. Could they be varicose veins ? Please tell me what they are, and how I can get rid of them.

I know exactly what you mean, because a close friend of mine has exactly the same things on his back. They run from one side to the other, and he's a fairly slim computer-type too. He told me that at school, people used to tease him about his parents whipping him, which seems a little extreme!
Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any way of getting rid of them. I'm always reading that rubbing vitamin E cream, available at the Body Shop and Boots as well as other places, will help stretch marks - it sounds as though you have something like that, so you could try it. I'm sure it's not varicose veins, although if you're worried about it, you should see your doctor, I'm sure he'll be much more helpful.
Finally, if you get teased about it, try pretending your girlfriend did it with her finger nails - instant street cred!

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