Is your life lifeless?

Just answer the questions below, scoring 1 point for every "1" answer, 2 points for every "2" answer, 3 points for every "3" answer and 4 points for every "4" answer, total up your points and read the appropriate advice. Your quality of life will be instantly improved!

a) The song that best describes your life is:

1. The Eagles "Life in the Fast Lane"
2. The Hawks "Life on the Hard Shoulder"
3. The Sea Gulls "Life in the Bus Lane"
4. The Sparrows "Life in the Lane"

b) Which if these are you most likely to say?

1. I need drugs.
2. I don't need drugs, I am high on life.
3. I don't need drugs, they're not funny and they're not clever.
4. I don't need drugs, I have a good time by reading "What Sewing Machine?" magazine.

c) Your friends think you are:

1. Wanted by the police.
2. Great fun to hang around with, on account of how you can drink them under the table.
3. Great fun to hang around with, on account of how you can make them laugh.
4. Great fun to hang around with, on account of how they can laugh at you.

d) You are organising a buy-at-home party for your mates, which area is it in?

1. Stolen property.
2. An Ann Summer's party - plenty of wine and laughter, while you all get to grips with certain objets d'amour.
3. A book party - good gossip with the neighbours and you earn commission on anything you sell.
4. I avoid having friends over after 7pm because it upsets the hamster.

e) You wake up in the morning:

1. On a beach in Southend, which puzzles you as you started off in Aberdeen. You never quite work that out.
2. On a beach in Southend, having fallen asleep there over a bag of chips after coming out of a club at 5am.
3. On a beach in Southend, it being a warm night, you thought you'd camp out.
4. On a beach in Southend, after taking a nap - you've been there since 8am to get a good place.

f) The last party you went to:

1. Was fabulous, but broken up by guys with riot shields. The organisers are going to do another one when they get out of prison.
2. Started 3 days ago and is still going on!
3. Was fancy dress, and your bunny costume won first prize!
4. Was a tupperware party. You can never have too much plastic kitchenware.

g) Your best friend is most likely to say about you:

1. Oh yeah, s/he's great, a constant source of illegal substances.
2. Oh yeah, s/he's great, a constant source of life and parties.
3. Oh yeah, s/he's great, a constant source of fun and happiness.
4. Oh yeah, s/he's great, a constant source of iced tea and fresh biscuits.

h) Your best friend is most likely to say to you:

1. What time are we meeting for the sponsored jail-break? Let's hope no-one catches on, huh?
2. What time are we meeting for the sponsored bungee-jump? Will you bring the vodka?
3. What time are we meeting for the sponsored walk? Will you bring the cagouls?
4. What time are we meeting for the sponsored silence? Oh, you started already?

i) You're only doing this quiz because:

1. Your friends are trying to convince you that you need help.
2. You're proud to be an Internet geek in your spare time.
3. You're proud to be an Internet geek.
4. This is the Internet? Oh dang, better get off before the satanists brainwash me.