Starring -
Justine eternally my lightweight V-Spice
Zoe and Beccy who never stop making me feel too sensible (in a *good* way!)
Emilia fellow toasted sandwich addict and coffee pusher
Riikka who kept me inspired
Kez the fishbreathed LER lover
Stuart my indispensable, quintessential guy spy
Allen the gorse-loving maniac - now with one less T-shirt
Richard that LHSP
Lisa head of the Pittsburgh Bunnyland Fanclub
Bernie the anti-GMB
Steve the fag-burned not-quite-C-programmer
Mother and Father Hand they go a long way to explaining the way I am
Sibling Hand bartender of the year
Frankie she's not hungry - she had a bean 3 days ago
And introducing -
Jen without whom I would have spent much more of the past year sober and therefore got laid a lot less. Ping pong - you're a total rock and it's all very tiqerh. I'll promise to corrupt your children ("but Aunty Sally lets us inject heroin!") if you promise never to stop reminding me that AMAB if I ever start losing my mind.
You...yes YOU! Mr Right (as in "always right") this is our time, you know that? B-P I hope you realise you have turned me into that which makes me throw up, but I love you all the more for it (obligatory throwing up noises)
With contributions from -
The Fenwick Bunch Ellen, Audrey, Giuls, Bridie ("I believe in Royal Flush, something blue in every loo I see, I believe in Royal Flush, Royal Flush is the chemical for me, I have a dream, a loo to clean"); the maintenance men who made me tea and glued my shoes back together so many times; Roy, Bill, John and the Saturday Telegraph crossword
The Porn Bunch including Kasy ("I thought I had a urine infection but actually I'm 6 months pregnant"), My Favourite Supervisor ("I smell so good!"), Robert ("I bought you a McFlurry"), Wayne ("I make up my own lyrics to songs"), Carole ("have you ever...?"), Martin ("yeah you like that, don't you boy") and Tricia ("Holey Christmas Socks, Batman!")
The Forest Bunch I give up trying to encapsulate these people
Funniest Moment Award
Watching Jen try and swipe grapes off the windscreen from the wrong side and then stalling the car
Highly Commended -
The "you tell me yours I'll tell you mine" conversation with Carole at Virtual Universe, and watching Robert and Wayne try and put up the new notice board, and forgetting the glass dividers had been installed, running into one and nearly knocking it out of its holding
Zoe and the neverending quest for brown eggs
Frankie almost asking the guy in the Jack in the Box drive-through if she could "see his Christmas balls"
Father Handisms ("you're not sleeping? you need to get laid more")
Having a long discussion about the sexual preferences of somebody and then seeing him walk into the pub hand-in-hand with a girl - that put pay to that!
Most Embarrassing Moment Awards
Turning to say something to Phnarr and falling over a tree root (whilst drunk)
Falling over backwards and breaking the heel off my shoe in Bolton (whilst drunk)
Trying to do a double-act hit on some random ginger on a night bus with Zoe (whilst drunk) and then seeing him on a random bus a few days later
Filling the kitchen with foam after putting the wrong kind of soap in the dishwasher (whilst sober - WAHEY!)
Ickiest Moment Award
Waking up with a dead beetle in my mouth in that infested house
Most Superior Moment Awards
Realising that not only had I managed to write two 2:1 class dissertations in 2 weeks, but also that I could boast to future generations that I had stayed up for 48 hours to do so.
Being brave enough to leave everything for a much-needed change of scenery.
Receiving undeniable proof that daydreaming is not at all pointless (even if I can't prove it)
Fluffiest Moment Award
Flowers! And thunderbolt text messages (grin) and all the stuff after them.
Best Movie Award
Magnolia. I don't care what anybody says.
Pub of the Year Award
Frank Charlie's, even if I haven't been there for about 10 months. Private lock-ins - there's nothing like 'em. Honourable mention to ULU for being the jumping off point for some of the more interesting experiences of the first half of the year.
Ligger of the Year Award
Zoe - of course! Bless her heart.
Headache of the Year Award
My landlady, Gizelda Gyarmati (seriously)
Her: (takes 3 second look around) Where's my sewing machine?
Me: That was my sewing machine, my mum gave it to me
Her: My husband bought it in a car boot sale, it's very valuable
Me: Well I only took mine, I haven't even seen yours
Her: Yes well, I'll be in touch with my solicitors on Monday
Me: Good, I'm already in touch with mine
This year, I might have died without...
...and I could have lived without...