Starring -
The inimitable Mr Z Housemate of the Year
Jen aka Hermione, and her pony
With Employment Contributions from -
Care at Home "Make the tea"
Pensions Company "We're all a bunch of incompetents, we feel so sorry for our investors"
Independent Financial Advisers *Bitch* *Whine* *Spend tonnes of money*
British Transport Police "What you gonna do now, FAT BOY?!"
Oxfam "You know how to use Access, right?"
Solicitors "Who would you sleep with out of Toni and Susie? You HAVE to answer!"
Benefits Agency "I once had to make an appointment for a man who had changed his name to Mr Sticky Squidget Mushroom Midget"
Playscheme "OH MY GOD you've lost SO much weight!" "Michelle never bites..."
Accomodation provided by -
Mother Hand In the House the Insurance Man decorated
Tony and Marianne And their skittish cats
Mr Z and me! At last, somewhere to put my stuff and know I won't have to move it next year
Funniest Moment Award
An anecdote - Bradley on the playscheme putting his finger up at the most interfering mother we've ever had to deal with. If I had been there, I would have bought him all the Chupa Chups I could find.
Most Embarrassing Moment Award
Throwing up at the course meal, and being reprimanded for it in front of my entire class and my course tutor. Oh god. I'll never drink on an empty stomach again. Much.
Most Nail-bitingly Scary Award
My driving test (only six minors and it was my first time!), closely followed by signing the mortgage. 300 monthly repayments - say WHAT?!
Commendation for conversations with Sibling Hand
Pub of the Year Award
I think I've only been to one pub this year. That's not true, but it feels like that. The Cherry Tree, of course, and the long running soap opera that concerns its regulars. One day I'll write a book about it, although it will never get published - nobody would believe most of the stuff that occurs down there.
Holiday of the Year Award
Hey! We're go-ing to I-beeth-ah! Stupid f.... sheet. And to think I was worried it would be too overpowering. The only thing that was too overpowering was the cheapo stomach rot vodka, the aftershave of the dodgy ancient barman and the urge to smack the irritating scummer who turned up towards the end of the week.
This year, I am proudest of...