Friday February 28th

I am well aware that it is the last day of February and I haven't got any entries for this month yet. Moreover, it is 11.13pm on the last day of February so I thought I'd better get something down. Or up, whatever. But it seems a little unfair - I mean, if this was next month then I'd have another three days! Indeed, if it was next year, I'd have another whole day. It's February, you see. It tricks you.

Quite a lot has happened since the last time I wrote, as you might imagine.
I have completed the college-based part of my PGCE, bar the morning on child protection in May and the final-day gathering which sounds like a brief discussion of references &c. and then a big piss up somewhere in Bath. It was a bit sad to see everybody go off, particularly since the group dynamic partially collapsed in the final week, leaving people dotted around who weren't speaking to each other and leading to the inveitable "so-and-so is staying in so we can invite so-and-so..." But well, they had their reasons, and in any case, Nadia and Paula and I went out in Bath on the last day and I got absolutely banjaxed, as one might say in the local dialect, so that was alright. I also managed to score all 1s on my literacy assignment (top marks!) so it was worth staying up until 3.44am the night before.

I have finished my one-day-a-week placement at Mr Z's establishment, too; the last day we had to do an assembly which involved me running, screaming, through a hall full of kids chasing after somebody pretending to be Darius. As if that wasn't bad enough, I got halfway down the aisle and fell over. But luckily everybody thought it was part of the act. It was all a bit lame, at least I think the kids thought so, but we had a lot of fun doing it. Julia, who's an art PGCE student and has been a vegetarian since she was 9, found herself wearing a real fur coat and her face was absolutely priceless. Then I had to do a mock interview, which went quite well in spite of the marks on the knees of my new suit (14 quid, what a bargain!) from falling over in the hall. Apparently nobody will care about the D I got in my history A-level, happily. They asked me what they would be missing out on by not employing me and I told them something like, "Mutter mutter ICT skills mutter....I'm a really good teacher..." and immediately thought I had overstepped the mark but they said it was good that I was so confident. It's hard not to be when you've got a guru for a teacher.

So, after that manic week (as well as all that, and my literacy assignment, I had to hand in an ICT portfolio which included a 2000 word essay, and attend primary school to make observations on my days off, which convinced me I have made the right decision as far as the secondary PGCE goes, so all in all it was a pretty exhausting 5 days) I have had two weeks of virtual holiday. This week has been real holiday, and last week I only had about four hours of things. I visited extremely old friend Alison - as in, I have known her for most of my life - in Cornwall last weekend which was fab. The train hugged the coast outside of Exeter which was very picturesque, and we spent our two days driving around Cornwall, drinking coffee and tea in beachside cafes, admiring the wind farms (that was just me), marvelling at the interesting geographical features created by the china clay pits (again, just me) and wandering around the Eden Project, which was pretty fantastic. We also did lots of scoffing of Cornish ice cream, apple crumble and clotted cream and pasties...again, that was just me. But it was worth it. The other week I lost five and a half pounds! And the week after I lost three. It has been creeping up a little since then but I have a plan.

I have a target in mind. I have a date to reach it by. And I have an interim target. And I have a date for that as well. And that date is 21st June 2003 - when Mr Z and I skip the country for a fortnight, to bathe ourselves in the sunny atmosphere of Crete, and possible other nearby islands. I already have a bikini that looks a little bit tight so that's more incentive. Basically, I haven't lost any weight since last summer. I am sort of stuck at the three and something of a stone weight loss mark. I think it's because I am finding it difficult to stay motivated because I am like, thin. Well, obviously not thin. But thin compared. I came across a risque photograph today which Mr Z took of me in a towel, on my 22nd birthday. He looked at it and exclaimed, "Cor Blimey!" (or words to that effect). When I pressed him, he said, "You've lost so much weight!" And I have. I tried on an outfit the other day, a size 14 top and a size 18 pair of jeans. The jeans were too big! And the top fitted great. Today I bought two new pairs of teacher trousers (grey pin stripe and lilac tweed, very sensible). They're both size 18, and they fit perfectly.

I know what you're thinking. Size 18 isn't thin by any stretch of the imagination. But it's a start. And I'm looking pretty good in my size 18s and my little tops that end at the waist instead of the hips...and my bum's looking pretty good too. I think I am lucky. Especially having seen a vast array of bums in lycra-mix fabrics at step class. There's a reason I stand at the back you know...

Anyway, there have been lots of adverts in magazines at the moment from Nike Women in which they ask a series of questions and relate them to a gym type. For example, "Are you a Slacker?" they ask, "Do you gossip between reps?" and so on. It's very entertaining, and the whole thing is on their fancy website (which is a bit slow-moving on my machine but I'm sure it would look great viewed as it is meant to be seen). The only problem is, I don't fit into any of their pigeon holes. I'm not, contrary to what you might think, a slacker. I get out of bed at 9am every Sunday morning to go to step class, I'll have you know! I thought I might be bordering on a Diva, since I spent £35 on a pair of jogging bottoms the other week (but they're baby pink brushed cotton, I couldn't find a pink pair anywhere, and they're so soft, and the postage was free so it's almost a bargain), but I only have one pair of trainers. So I have my own category for them -
Are you a DESPERADO?
Do you own a bikini that's a size too small?
Do you go to as many aerobics sessions as you possibly can?
Do you have bruises on your calves from shin splints?
Do the words "elasticated wasit" make you shudder and go for a run?
Do you sometimes not have time to wash your sports bra between sessions and then wonder what that funny smell is?
Do you like your circuits instructor because she yells at you like an SS guard to try harder?
Do you get a pain in your stomach like you've eaten too much, and then realise it's your abs complaining about all the crunches?
Do you read every diet and fitness magazine and website you can get your hands on?
Do you find yourself working out with your Slimming World consultant?

That's me. This week I went to circuits on Monday, circuits on Wednesday and step last night. Normally I only do Step on a Sunday but I missed the last one because I was in Cornwall, so I decided to go last night instead. It was the same instructor as it is on Sunday, Lisa, and my SW consultant, Jo, talked me into going and was also there. And as if that wasn't enough, my circuits instructor, Karen, turned up just behind me in the queue for the till. "Going to step?" she asked, conversationally. "Yes," I replied, "I think I should move in here, it would save on petrol." So that was nice. It was like my own little weight-loss team, all in the same room together. They've all got kids at the same school, I think, so they all know each other as well. I feel a bit weird in case any of them are staring at me as I sweat out half of my body weight, but then I know I am usually concentrating so hard on cha-cha-chaing along my Step without flipping it over and falling on my (genuinely pretty firm) arse that I never get a chance to see what anybody else is doing.

I am hoping that all this extra exercise I am doing will aid me in my weight loss goals. It hasn't yet, but Mr Z says it takes ages to kick in. And honestly, everyone at uni says I'm looking dead thin compared to what I looked like in September, and I haven't lost any weight since then, although I have been doing step every week so I think my shape might have changed. And it's definitely getting easier, although I am going to have to stop gulping water like an empty camel in the Sahara in the middle of my circuits classes because it's giving me a stitch. I suppose I'll keep at it. Presumably, when I start teaching again next week I really won't have time to do much eating, especially if they make me stay until 5pm every day.

I have become a regular visitor to How To Be Fit since they have some interesting articles and useful things like a calorie calculator to work out how many Rice Krispie squares I have burned off in an hour of killing myself. I was reading this good article about a woman in America who has lost 86 pounds (that must be about...6 stone? Something like that). Anyway, she said something like this at the end of her article, "Not everything that goes in your mouth has to be yummy. You don’t have to love everything you eat; it can be something palatable. Everybody likes apples, but we’d all choose apple pie if you offer." She may have a point about the apple pie, but I was quite incensed by this, because it's the opposite of what I think. I think that when you're losing weight you have to limit yourself to the things you REALLY like eating. It's no good eating stuff you only sort of like. Take me, for example. I like cakes. I don't particularly like cream slices though, they're too sweet. In fact, cream cakes aren't really my thing. Before I started losing weight, I would eat them, though. Now, I don't bother, because I don't REALLY LOVE them. I save myself for the good stuff, the passion cakes, the triple chocolate muffins, the lemon poppyseed loaves, the banana and chocolate.....achaachachahachchcaachachahaa (oh god, she's gone) (wipe saliva off keyboard) Anyway, you see my point? How silly to say that you don't have to love everything you eat. Surely there's no point in eating it if you don't really love it? Better to eat nothing at all and sniff an apple pie than to eat an apple if you don't REALLY want it.

I don't care what you think, *I* know what I mean.

That's all for February, folks. We're 49 minutes into March now, but I won't tell anyone if you don't. If this was next year we'd be on February 29th anyway.

Oh, and one final thing. I was most excited this month, because it was this month that Bunnyland topped ten thousand hits! I was in an agony of suspense, since I knew it was getting close and didn't want to be the 10 thousandth visitor myself. So Mr Z went and looked for me, and was by sheer coincidence Mr Ten Thousand himself. Which was lucky really, because I always vowed I would shag the ten thousandth visitor as long as it wasn't a relative. I know there are some of you still out there who still check in from time to time and I'd just like to say, gosh darn it, thanks for all your support. It has taken just over five years to get to ten thousand, which isn't half bad for a little private site like this one, even if it is a total warren (obligatory bunny-related joke). So keep on coming. And I'll keep on rambling about cakes and stuff.