Sunday 2nd January

I cannot believe it's the year 2000! I almost wish I had bills to pay so I could write some cheques. Hmmm...alright, I do have bills to pay. Ammend that to "I wish I had money to pay bills with" (grin). Fenwick has been closed for the past 3 days, it's amazing, I went to bed very late on New Year's Eve and I have not had cause to get dressed since. I love having time off work. I've been wandering around the house in the same pair of socks for nearly 48 hours now, and it's great. I didn't even get up until 6pm yesterday. Now I feel like a proper student. Unfortunately I have to go back to work tomorrow but it's been fun. I've got a whole week off in February, coincidentally starting with Valentine's Day Monday in case anybody decides to surprise me and whisk me off somewhere for the weekend, I don't have to rush back for work. I can see myself, however, staying in bed until 3pm with a lot of ice cream and a big guilt complex about my dissertations. Nevermind, Valentine's Day is a trivial thing anyway, it's for old people who have no passion left in their relationships. (I cannot believe it's only January and I am already making up excuses for why I don't care that nobody ever sends me anything on Valentine's Day).

We had the best new year. In the end, Stu, Steve, Steve's brother Andy, my old friend Graham who I had not seen for 3 years, Pepsi and myself ended up sitting in my living room drinking copious amounts of our delicious home made sangria and then went out at around 10.30pm to the river. Pepsi went off to Hampstead with Elise but the rest of us ended up at Waterloo and started our trek to the river. Was most disappointed to find they had cordonned it off with 10-foot-high barriers so you couldn't actually *see* the river. Was also most amused to discover the London Eye, which we were stood right next to, was not going to be working because it was unsafe. Anyway, the police were everywhere but these people had lifted up part of the barrier and everyone was crawling underneath, so after not stopping for long enough to think about mud, broken backs, being trapped &c., I dived underneath. The others had to follow, I had the house keys (cackle). Unfortunately, there was another barrier on the other side, doh! But we managed to pull that one down so we were right next to the river. The police were yelling "DO NOT SURGE! DO NO SURGE!" but I think everyone was too euphoric to be silly. Although I heard one person fell in....one of the blokes stood next to us was trying to jump. He was from Yorkshire. People had come from all over the place to be in London, I was very impressed. I was also embarrassed on behalf of my nation that the river of fire failed so miserably, but the fireworks were still absolutely spectacular. I can honestly say it is something I will never, ever forget. Afterwards we wandered around in the rain swigging my chocolate orange home-made vodka and wishing everyone a happy new year. The litter was incredible, it was like Mardi Gras all over again. Anyway, that was my new year. I'm glad everything went smoothly and nothing stopped working.

Have not made any new year's resolutions. I never keep them. And one of them is always "Become thin and beautiful" and I really need to get over that (smile). Was looking at last year's - the main one was "Do not have a boyfriend" and there were lots of consequential ones branching off that. Am trying to decide whether I actually managed to keep that one, and I think the answer is YES! That must be the first one I have ever successfully kept to. Jen's is "Be happy". Lots of other people are giving up smoking, but I'm always doing that, I only smoke when I'm with other people who do so. Maybe I will have just one, "Focus and stop resting on your laurels." Cannot believe school starts again in a week and I haven't done any of the things I said I would. According to my dissertation time line, I should have finished my research and have the introduction and detailed plan done. I am still on my second book. Doh, doh, doh.

Had 4-hour conversation with the Thug yesterday, so I have no need to write about it all here anymore. Just let me say....clarity is not always a good thing, although it's always welcome, and friends turn up in the oddest places, and it's amazing how much you can learn about yourself when your whinge-outlets include a person as well as a book and a web page even if it's just that you surprise yourself with how easy it is to actually trust people. Thankyou.

Friday 7th January

Argh what an exhausting week. I worked my second 13 hour shift today, making that a total of 46 hours in the service of Fenwick this week, which isn't bad considering I'm only contracted for 10. At least it's getting a bit quieter now the brats are back in school. Narrowly avoided accidental suicide this morning....when is somebody going to invent a cordless hoover? Because the lead on mine is always getting caught on fixtures and I am always having to pull on it really hard (yes har har har) to get it loose. Today was no different, except that I couldn't make it budge, so I traced it back to where it was caught to find it wedged under a little metal slat thing, which was coincidentally full of pretty orange streamers. Oh yes. Which on closer inspection turned out to be slivers of the wire from my hoover. I'd almost managed to scrape right through to the bare wires, thank god not otherwise there might not be a shop left to clean by now, or a Sally left to clean it. Quickly hoovered the slivers up and then feigned ignorance when my manager came round. The amount of hoovers I have broken since I started working there....nevermind.

Last night was the Fenwick Christmas party. Let me begin with this rough outline...
If (work + Christmas = party invitation)
Then (accept/refuse)
If (refuse)
Then (get called miserable git)
If (accept)
Then (get very dressed up so everyone knows you're not a scruffbag all the time)
If (nice clothes = discomfort at unscruffbagness)
Then (copious free red wine + Consulate menthols + flirting + lots_of_giggling = solution)
If (copious free red wine + management) occurs;
Then ERROR! ERROR! ABORT! ABORT!
(Now does everybody understand why I'm a historian and not a programmer?!)

Anyway, after the last work night out which resulted in, shall we just say, me being very, very, very drunk and then very, very, very embarrassed, I had resolved to have one glass of wine, stick around for the crap speech, have some cake and get the last bus home. Of course that's not how it happened but happily I managed to stay out of trouble. The evening was made, however, by somebody else mixing free drink with management.

The bloke in question was one Sparky (almost his real name), who works on the furniture department. He was at the last work night out and after telling me for the first half of the evening that he was going to set me up with his best mate, Suitcase Boy (who I had given up on by that point, after our 4th date, on account of his acute shyness and strange ideas about what makes a date - I mean, the Dartford Bridge?! Puhlease!), then spent the rest of the evening trying to get into my pants. I did actually dance with him, though how he managed to dance without severe discomfort considering what I was uncomfortably aware of through his trousers I will never know. He was very insistent about taking me home, so much so that I had to go to the toilet and then sneak out of the fire escape. Ugh (shudder) ugh ugh ugh. Anyway. Last night, he was laced, and it was late in the evening, and he was trying to convince most of us and Sue Crawley, our personnel manager, to go out clubbing with him after the party.
Sparky: Oh go on, what have you got to be up for in the morning?
Me: Um er, WORK.
Sparky: Oh, you're no good to me, if you've got to be here at 7.30am tomorrow (nudge nudge)
Me: Oh, really, no, it's all good, I've heard you only last 30 seconds
(Note: Surely the correct response would be (a) laughter or (b) denial?)
Sparky: (cough) who told you that?
Me: (Thinks) No-one, has anybody ever been drunk enough to get close enough to find out?
Me: (Says) Oh, ha ha ha, I cannot reveal my sources
(Various mumblings between Sue and Sparky that I did not catch)
Sparky: (To Sue) Oh come on Sue, you know I've always fancied you!
Sue: .....(Kodak moment)
Me: What did you *JUST* *SAY*?!
Mick: (my supervisor) Oh it's just embarrassing, isn't it....

That goes down as the most amusing moment of this year so far. He has no shame though, I mentioned it to him as I emptied his bins today (my life is rubbish) and he was quite proud of himself, said he'd repeated it to her today, sober. I wish he'd have told me, I'd have had my camera ready.

The Thug went to Rio on Tuesday for a football thing (oh dear, oh dear, oh dear). I'm not going to say I miss him because he's started reading this now (grin). But I'm not sleeping properly even though the nights are no longer punctuated by 3am pissed phone calls. Draw your own conclusions....

Living alone in this old house has just started to become normal (since Pepsi has gone on a 3 day bender and I haven't seen her...am considering dumping her stuff on the front step and double locking the front door) but it seems I may again be with flatmate quite soon. The girl in question is Emilia, who lived in the same halls as me in the first year, is Finnish, goes to SSEES and her picture is among the school uniform lot elsewhere on this web site. She's coming to see the room tomorrow. I am quite excited at the prospect of having someone so perfect move in - I mean, I know her, but she's not a close friend, so I won't feel obligated to sit and chat with her every evening, but I know she's not an axe muderer. *And* her dad lives in Las Vegas, just like mine! Hopefully things will work out for the best.

Um, um, um, what else? Oh yes. OP rang me yesterday for 3 hours, from Australia! Was very impressed with his timing as reached mega low point yesterday afternoon on account of lack of student loan/profusion of red bills/not enough sleep/Pepsi bringing her coke-dealing boyfriend to stay without asking me/living on diet of toast and marmalade and diet coke. Feel so much better now. He always knows what to say. He sounds much happier now too, I'm really pleased for him, although of course there are some niggly things, but they are lesser than the issues he had here. Really miss him, I wonder whether I will ever meet anyone who I can have that kind of relationship with again. Hmmm, what a depressing thought! Enough of that wallowing.

Apparently, it's raining in Rio

Friday 7th January - 5 minutes later than the entry below

Saturday 8th January

Well my ego took a beating today, and no mistake! I was kind of lonely and bored and I want to see a couple of movies at the pictures, but going alone seemed a little too miserable. So, I asked Suitcase Boy. For those among you who do not know this story, let me just say -
He works on the luggage department at work and he has a major thing for Stella, the luggage buyer, who he talks about all the time.
He is 27, has an uncanny resemblance to R-Boy, just learned to drive, and lives in Harrow with his parents - who he introduced me to on our first date (I should have known from then...)
His mother told me she thought it was OK for boys to live with their parents until they were married - in fact, even after they were married, with their wives (at that point, I should have run for it).
We went on 4 dates at the beginning of the year, when I was most bemused by him shaking my hand when he dropped me home afterwards (eh?!) and nothing else....
....yet he seemed very keen because he kept asking me out, but I kept refusing because the last time we went out, he took me to see the Dartford Bridge. Wit woo. I had had 2 hours' sleep the night before and was less than impressed. To make matters worse, he insisted on continuing into the wilds of Kent, so we were driving for a total of about 6 hours and we didn't even go anywhere interesting. I pretended to be asleep all the way home.

So that's the lowdown on Suitcase Boy. Anyway, out of sheer boredom I asked him to go out this weekend. And he ummed and ahhed and said yes and he'd call me. Then when he called today he was like, oh, um, well I don't really want to go out. Can you believe it! Getting the knock back from someone I've knocked back myself more times than than I can remember! Oh god. I'm so ashamed. I must retire from society and become a recluse with only my computer for company. Oh wait....no....that's already my life (grin).

Jen's back in town tomorrow, at least, and then I get my grant cheque so I can afford the odd pint. Justine was bugging me tonight about getting my belly button pierced. She wants to take me to get it done on Friday. Cannot work out how I am going to have a flat stomach by Friday without the aid of a carving knife and a lot of skin grafts, but she seems to think fat people have as much right to get their belly buttons pierced as thin ones. I just question the wisdom of dropping 30 quid on something nobody will see apart from people who I sleep with (which are very few in number) (cough). I mean, me? In a cut off top? In hipsters and a boob tube? Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. It just does not bear thinking about. I suppose I could always wear a tent with a belly-button-sized hole cut in it. But quite aside from the money, there is also the pain factor. All that pain, and who gets to see it? *I* don't even look at myself naked if I can possibly help it. Hmmmm. Well, it's almost a week away, I suppose I have a while to decide.

It's official - new flatmate Emilia is moving in on Tuesday. She loved the place, I think the fact that the sun was shining went in its favour because she said it was like being in the countryside (finding it more difficult every day to deny the fact that I do actually live in the sticks), and the landlady loved her because the landlady is Hungarian and Emilia just spent 3 months in Budapest. And I am happy because she wants to rent a washing machine and it means that the landlady will definitely renew my lease at the end of February, woo hoooooo! One less thing to worry about.

Saw *old* flatmate Emily today, she stepped in for about 10 seconds before Shaggy started beeping to get her back in his car again, the git. She looked most unhappy. Will get the full story when we do lunch on Monday, I suppose. Don't know what I can do to help though, she's made her bed &c.

Love days off. Except I woke up at 7.36am this morning and I was absolutely convinced that it was Friday and despite all my boss's vehement threats about what would happen if I was late for work after the party, I had overslept. I was half way dressed with my hand on the phone before I realised it was Saturday. Bliss. Every morning, I dream of sinking back into my especially comfortable and warm bed instead of going to work. This morning, I finally achieved my goal. Now, I can die happy. Where's that dodgy hoover gone?

Tuesday 11th January

FANFARE PLEASE! After sooooo long discussing issues with Kez and me, instead of the person she *should* have been discussing them with (stop gasping in mock embarrassment, Jen) Miss Bell has *finally* sorted herself out and made her mind up and I *think* - although please bear in mind this only happened 3 hours ago so I might be mistaken - that Jen and Richard are now, what one might call, the new couple on the block. It's all getting very confusing, what with Kez going out with a Richard and Pepsi going out with a Richard, I cannot cope. But of course, I am happy for them all (chew duvet) and I hope they all have long and stunningly happy relationships together....somewhere a long way away from me (smile) (I know, I am nothing at all like the Murphey's). No, just kidding. Cue usual spiel about being ecstatic with my single status, not having time for one of them boyfriend things, whatever they are, and being totally empowered by my lack of male dominance, &c.

So begins another week of psychosomatic illness....although I really should go back to work tomorrow. I just felt that after working such a ridiculous amount of overtime last week, I deserved a couple of days off. And I wanted to go to the pub and spend a small portion of my grant in a frivolous manner. Am still not feeling quite myself, and still not sure why, but sure it will pass. It's all very odd.

Anyway, found this old mail I wrote about three years ago the other day, it amused me greatly, one of my better efforts at being surreal and writing a load of crap about nothing, so I thought I would share, since there is nothing going on in my life that I want to share at the moment (grin). Bon appetit....(PS it's out of a mail and I had to leave a bit in there for it to make sense)

> Si : 'Sal, i'm never going to speak to you again unless you move!!!!!'
> Sal : 'That's OK'
> Colin : 'OK, I'm getting really pissed off now........'
> It was hilarious ;) At least you don't remember the part where I took the duvet off you :) You would have kicked my ass for that but desperate situations call for desperate measures :-)

I really don't want to know. I'm surprised Colin endangered your life by letting you take the duvet off me. Me and that duvet go back a long way. we have spent a lot of time wrapped around each other. that duvet and me....we've bonded, we have....in fact, I get on so well with this duvet that my old duvet has started to get jealous and question my motives for spending so much time with this new duvet. but a duvet, I say, is for talking to, not just for sleeping under.

Many a time have I cried on the duvet's accomodating cover after reading another knock back letter from a worthless possible employer. I've told all my jokes to it. I've sung it to sleep when it gets insomnia. It keeps me warm when the wind is trying to blow the windows in. I can wake up with it soft against my cheek, and know that if an axe murderer broke in, then this duvet, this magic axe-repelling duvet, would protect me, and take the blow for me. This duvet, would die for me. And thinking about it, I might die for this duvet.

There've been other duvets, sure, I'm no saint. in fact, I thought my last duvet was the real thing. Goose down, Marks and Spencer, ah, those were the days. It kept me snuggly in winter and cool in summer. it put up with endless moanings about the lack of blokes interested in me, the drunken rantings when I came home from clubbing, the fag ash from when I had a sly fag out the window, the tears, the laughter, the hopefulness about exam results. It saw me through new haircuts [ed: I haven't had a different hairstyle since I was 10! Until now...], new clothes, and my first encounter with fetishwear. it been covered with cough mixture (from another time when I didn't have a cough), nail varnish remover, hot chocolate, and vomit. And yet it still loved me. So forgive me if I get sentimental about having to move on from my last duvet to the new one, we went through a lot together. That duvet was a childhood friend.

The new duvet however, is more suited to my maturing tastes. It doesn't rustle when you move it, which I found offputting at first, but now consider to be an endearing quality [ed: not anymore....rustle is where it's at]. And it's bigger, so it appreciates me being bigger and has no problem in keeping all of me warm, even bits my old duvet left uncovered. And now I know, this new duvet is the real thing. My old duvet, in Portsmouth, still waits for the day when I will return, because I can't bring myself to break the news to it that I have found a replacement. I think this weekend, though, I am going to have to tell my old duvet the sorrowful news, so I can be free to enjoy the pleasures of my new duvet without guilt. thats the way the cookie crumbles. And I've crumbled better cookies on the new duvet. Gone are my past days, when I'd have any duvet in my desperate search for warmth and snuggliness. these days, I'm a one duvet girl.

Guys, go home to your duvets and be happy you have them. a good duvet can last you forever. Don't get caught like me and have to choose between 2 duvets [ed: became spookily apt, actually]. It's the hardest and most heartbreaking decision you'll ever have to make. Myself, I'm going back to where my duvet is waiting with a nice cup of tea and a homecooked meal, in St James' Mental Institution. I do so like writing these little sagas.

And I thought I was a basket case *now*.......

Sunday 16th January

Grant cheque week has finally finished, and thank goodness. It's one week when I actually spend an obscene amount of money going out and this one has been no exception...of course, it's a lot of fun, but it doesn't half take it out of you. I have been out every night this week, with the exception of Thursday, when Jen and Richard, aka Mr and Mrs Berry Delicious (*sniff* *sniff*....can you smell....strawberries?) came over to watch Friends. I have been in my brother's bar 4 nights out of the past 7. I don't dare to add up my alcohol units as I fear I would have to stop drinking for the next three months to compensate. But, well, it got me out of the house I suppose.

Also seem to have had a more-than-usual number of weirdoes hitting on me this week (maybe it's got something to do with pheremones). On Tuesday, in Little Havana, Jen and Kez and I were discussing sex (nothing unusual there) rather explicitly (ditto) and rather loudly (ditto ditto). This was fine until we noted a rather portly man with receding hair and an interesting pair of glasses seated behind us and listening intently to our discussion, which by this point had turned to favoured sexual positions. He realised we had noticed but remained unabashed and tried to strike up conversation....well, he was on his own. And he was American. And I think he was wanting us to ask him to join us. With the required amount of giggling we attempted to ignore him and lowered our voices until he got up and walked away, calling, "I'M ALL ABOUT GIRL ON TOP!" and gesticulating wildly at us before moving upstairs with unusual speed for a man of his stature. Jen and Kez were a bit open mouthed, I tried to come up with a suitably witty reply but could only manage a shocked, "Always been one of my favourites...." So that was that. For the rest of the night Kez was suggesting I try and take him home with me. I feel I should point out he was about 40. With a greasy look to him. Kez suggested I might get a night in a posh hotel for my troubles and not feel like a dodgy hooker for a change, but no. There's something about men who go to bars on their own. Gitboy did that before he started going out with that bird and I wouldn't want to end up taking him home. Also he turned up at Little Havana when we were there last night as well...I think I would at least have the dignity to go to several different bars. But then I guess he was a tourist. So that was weirdo number one.

Weirdo number two was your general run-of-the-mill "You look reeeeeeally familiar" pile of rubbish, he approached me outside Ikea as I was psyching myself up not to spend more than 30 quid (33.25..not bad!) I toyed with the idea of just walking off but I'm not very good at being rude so I mumbled something about having one of those familiar faces and tried to walk faster. I have to say, snaps to these guys for their persistence. I could not have made myself more disinterested.
Weirdo: You do look familiar....
Me: I doubt it, I'm not from round here
Weirdo: Oh, where are you from?
Me: Oh um...(cough cough) Portsmouth
Weirdo: THAT'S where I've seen you! I saw you there in the summer!
(I was in Portsmouth for 2 days in the summer, both of which I spent on the beach, with my mother)
Me: (thinks) GOOD GRIEF!
Me: (says) Oh that's not possible, I wasn't there in the summer, I was away
Me speeds up so he is almost running to keep up with me
Weirdo: Oh maybe round here then....where are you from?
Me: (cough) Hendon
Weirdo: Ohhh rightttttt, I....
Me: But I'm never there! I'm at school in central London
Weirdo is temporarily fazed by my calling uni "school"
Weirdo: What are you studying? (good recovery)
Me: History...look I really have to go, classes, late, lectures, mumble, mumble
Weirdo: Oh what's you're name?
Me: Sorry I'm going to be late (sprint for cover)

I mean, I was in nasty baggy clothes, I'd just come from work, I had my hair in plaits which I'd not redone since 4 o'clock the previous afternoon....I don't understand it, I really don't. Maybe it *is* pheremones.

Anyway, weirdo number three was the saving grace of the week being not really a weirdo at all apart from he wanted to live in Camden. He was on the nightbus Jen and I got home from Camden and we overheard him talking about Colindale in a derogatory fashion.
Bloke: I've only lived in Colindale for three months and I've come to the conclusion it's in the middle of nowhere...
Jen: yep (superior look)
Me: No way! Colindale's the centre of the universe! (well, I was pissed enough to have been drinking soda and lime, I mean, come on....)
Bloke and Jen: (look says it all...WHATEVER....)
Me: So if you've only lived here for three months, where are you from?
(This is the funny bit)
Bloke: MANCHESTER!
Jen: (absolute hysterics)
Me: (choke) Oh really! How uncannily spooky....I've got friends there (whistle) what part?
Bloke names area of Manchester I have funnily enough never heard of
Me: Is that anywhere near Bolton?
Jen is still giggling
Bloke: No, it's on the other side...
Me: The other side of Bolton? So it's near it then? (did I mention I was laced?)
Bloke: No, the other side of Manchester to Bolton
Me: Ohhhh.....(gives up)
Me: babbles on to Jen for rest of journey pointing out the sites of the N5 bus route which cannot be seen in the dark, subtly dropping in that I work at Fenwick
Bloke: I hate Brent Cross! I mean, it's OK but once you've been to the Trafford Centre....
Me: (thinks) what, where they charge you 1.50 for a glass of milk?!
Me: (says) mmm, yeah, I know, I know
More journey. Well, it is a long journey.
Bloke: (getting off bus) Thankyou for the guided tour, it was really nice meeting you...
Me: (as usual, words fail me when I need them most) Come into Fenwick and see me some time!
Jen: You should have invited him back to yours. I bet he would have come. And he wasn't bad looking.
Me: He didn't have the right accent...

Well, I suppose it made an amusing story in the pub last night.

In other news....saw Allen last night too, he came along because it was Jen's birthday night out. He's all miserable too since he broke up with his bird 48 hours ago, so we had a lovely evening together, misery loves company and all that. On Wednesday night I saw Dogma with Kez, it has to be one of the funniest films.....I understand it's a tricky subject but very well handled. Friday we were in ULU (this was the very drunk night bus night) and I spotted a guy from my college who was in sociology with me last year, but when I attempted to say hello he basically blanked me and since I don't have the persistence of weirdoes in Ikea and he's got a dodgy Greek looking moustache, I left him to it. Suitcase Boy invited me out for a curry on Friday night so I had the pleasure of turning him down at the very last minute, heh heh heh (you reap what you sow!) I only worked overtime on Friday and even then Liam (boss) gave me the night off because he was so desperate for someone to work the day shift. Richard said only I could bunk three days off work and then go back and instantly be the golden girl again. Nevertheless, Liam and Mick (supervisor) got me real good on Friday afternoon. Mick called me into the office and told me that Catherine, who covers the 4-8 shift, was off sick, and he knew I wasn't going out Friday night so could I do it, please, they didn't have anyone else....I believed it for about 20 minutes. I was near tears of exhaustion just at the thought of it when they told me it was a windup. Grrrr. And that was my week. And now Zoe has just come home and she's going to tell me about hers, so that's all folks!

Tuesday 18th January

The Valentines cards are up at work. I have to clean around them everyday. They are discernible from half way across the store because they're just a blur of red and pink. They make me want to get handy with a can of black spray paint. However, it seems that Aunty Sally has finally come into her home as I understand my advice on the art of horizontalism is being heard in beds far and wide across the land, much to certain people's amusement. Huh. Well, it's good to know that *somebody* is benefitting from my vast experience, even if it isn't me. To quote a national magazine, January sucks because the only erect things in your life are your nipples as you bolt from bathroom to bedroom sans towel. Not that I do that now I have a new flatmate. Much. This week has so far been notable for two types of compliments, firstly, about my web page, and secondly, about my hair. Some guy on ICQ told me he admired my guts for writing what I had in this here Diario, which, after making me grin hugely, made me paranoid enough to read back over the whole thing (which took considerable time) to see what he meant. Today, three people have told me how nice my hair looks. I do not understand....I mean, yes I washed it last night, and instead of waiting for it to dry a bit I slept on it while it was still drenched, so today it is sort of curly and messy looking, but is that good? Who knows. My sentiments leant more towards Meg at uni, who yelled "AHHHH MAD HAIR!" at me as I stepped out of the lift on my way to class today. The woman who works in the caff I clean at Fenwick every night said, "Cor! Isn't your hair getting long now!" which made me giggle in a fit of uncontrollable mirth since it is at least 2 foot shorter than when I first started working there.

But I digress. I have been compiling lists today just in case I catch me a boyfriend in time for Valentine's Day. Also classic dissertation avoidance syndrome.

To finish, I would like to add a paragraph from a mail from my good friend Bernie, because it made me crack up laughing. "Nice to know Jen's got herself sorted. Too many Richards!!! (Jen&Kez are just trying to be exclusive) You need to go out and find yourself a Richard. Next time a weirdo comes up to you, ask him his name. If it's Richard, you're made :-)"

Wednesday 19th January

OK. I guess it is taken as a known fact that the majority of the female population *love* to read their horoscope, whether they believe it or not. I am no exception. The guys on staff entrance at work know now to have the horoscope page of the Evening Standard open when I breeze in at ten to six, to save me time. This does not mean I believe it....in fact, I think it's a load of bollocks, but it still amuses me greatly.

Which is why, when I opened up Leo in Zoe's copy of Sexscopes2000 and saw what advice they had to give me for the year ahead, I was so wildly amused that I just had to share it here.
Hottest romance: Fellow Leo, he'll show you a thing or two [disbelieving look]
How you'll seduce him: By showing him a thing or two... [that's more like it!]
Long-term love interest: Sagittarius [that's almost what made me cackle the most]
Top Love Destinations: Los Angeles, Rome and Bath [time to redo the top ten Valentine's destinations then....]
Your love resolution for 2000: Don't diss it til you've tried it! [HMMMMM......]
Advice:
If you thought your love life was all over the place in 1999, expect it to be a rollercoaster ride in 2000! [Hopefully it will be better than Oblivion]. It's all down to your habit of over-idealising people and situations - a habit that often leaves you disappointed when you learn the truth. Stay optimistic though - something which in theory should be easy for a Leo - and you could have a laugh. However, if you insist on moping about, things will probably go from bad to worse. Anyway, the guy's a loser so you should stop fretting over him and get on with your life [That is what made me cackle the most!]

Well, that's enough of that hocus pocus and onto something even more spooky. Pepsi, aka Zoe (because I am sick of having to read everything through to check I've put the right name!) is still here, although I just discovered she now has a live in job in a pub on Baker Street, WOO HOO! So she will be leaving soon. I must say, I am sorry, I have got used to her being here now. But I still wanted to wring her neck this afternoon when I realised she had taken my last two matching hairbands, and this morning when I was almost late for work cos I couldn't find any clean socks. But I will let her off because she does the washing up everyday, bless her. Anyway, now for the spooky thing - last week, on Thursday, I didn't go to bed until 2am and sure enough, I would have overslept and missed work, BUT! Something woke Zoe up at 6.40am. She wasn't cold. She hadn't had a nightmare. There were no weird noises. She just woke up. Now, this is *really* strange because there have been times when I have been trying to wake her for 4 hours and she won't get up. But this time, she was wide awake, and when she realised I wasn't getting up, she came and woke me. Amazing! Somebody contact the X Files.

Bought a cool new toy yesterday too, from Urban Outfitters (fast becoming my favourite shop). It is a SARCASTIC magic eight ball. It thinks like me! It has responses like, "Yeah, and I'm the Pope!" and "Whatever" and "Get a clue". Best 8 quid I have ever spent. I have been hankering after one ever since Puff's told me three times in a row that I was pregnant on summer camp 2 years ago....I nearly went and got a Clearblue

One more thing. Bonus number 11 worst Valentine's destination.....how could I forget the Dartford Bridge?

Thursday 20th January

For whatever reason, last night felt like a night to get absolutely hammered. Oh yes, I remember now, it was Zoe's last night so we were celebrating (nevermind that I had already consumed close to a litre and a half of wine before she even got home). We managed to finish up all of the leftover drink from New Year, including the huge bottle of fizzy stuff and the Yellow Sally (which was disappointing) when luckily tiredness saved me so the chocolate orange vodka remains festering in my fridge. This is not a very interesting entry, but more of a note to self: hide all phones before drinking heavily. I've lost about an hour's worth of memory but I know that for the time I remember we phoned up random 0800 numbers, this girl Zoe doesn't like (to order a pizza "with extra horse"), my ex-boyfriend who is allegedly married now (but we ended up speaking to someone random cos we got the number wrong) and Shirley aka Beccy, who was asleep (oddly enough, since it was only 3am....umm....). As for text messaging, my sent messages when I read them this morning were a revelation. I only wish I could remember who I sent what to. I don't even remember Zoe coming back, apparently I was incoherent on the sofa, but one minute she wasn't there and the next she was putting a cigarette in my mouth. What will I do without her.

So, guess who phoned in sick to work this morning?! Luckily, I know they can't say anything because (a) mornings are not my contracted hours and (b) if they have a go, I'll just turn around and tell them I won't do the overtime next week and they'll be buggered. La la la, I always win. Unfortunately, it also means that another week has passed and I still haven't done any work on my dissertation. I had lunch with Sam on Monday and he tells me he has his in draft; in class on Monday morning, Riikka waved her completed dissertation under my nose (just what one needs at 9am on a Monday); I have just about struggled through the economic side of Romanian deviation in foreign policy in the Communist era (SNAP! SNAP! WAKE UP!) but that's about one-tenth of the work as a whole and it's only the notes, not even anything in draft. I now have 64 days left to write 2 essays of 10,000 words each, one of which I don't even have a title for. Happy day. To top it all, I have 4 other essays of 2,500 words each....so that's 30,000 words in total....a pity this diary isn't admissable. Quick word count...18,697 words. Sigh. Wish I was dead.

The problem with writing daily is that nothing good happens in my life on a daily basis so there is never anything to write. The Thug came back from paradise yesterday, still in one piece, having appeared in two national newspapers and been filmed for MTV. In contrast, the most exciting thing that has happened to me in the past fortnight is finding out that Burger King is selling 2 Whoppers for the price of 1. Alright, maybe that's not quite true, finding out that Amaretto Sours tastes just as good in Little Havana as it does in New Orleans was also quite exciting. Kez running around Texas Embassy trying to get a picture of that waiter's fiiiiine tight little arse was very amusing, as was her showing him her own arse (I guess you had to be there). Attempting to sleep in the same bed with Richard and Jen with one of us bursting out laughing ever 2 minutes for no apparent reason was funny, and we've got a lot of mileage out of Richard coming round last Thursday to "drill my drawers" (it was all perfectly innocent). Yeah, I suppose I have some fun, really. Jen's coming over tonight to watch Friends. Almost my favourite episode was on last night, the one where the girls all dress up in wedding dresses, and Rachel opens the door to her boyfriend, who she has spent hours on the phone to trying to convince him she's not a psycho girl who wants to get married, wearing this wedding dress and saying "I do". Laughed myself to tears. I think it works the same way as being able to identify with a song - if it seems like there are other people going through things on a par with what you're going through (and nobody say "FICTION-REALITY!" because I think I've actually got a point!), it makes you feel like less of a freak.

Saturday 29th January

Haven't written in a while because I was worried this was getting boring, but at least 4 people have commented on the lack of updates now so I imagine I was just being paranoid. This has been a really busy week though, between overtime and uni and everything else....hmm let me think....

Fri Worked 7.30-3.30; went to Zoe's pub with Richard and Jen

Sat Slept late. Bought a scanner and a printer; spent a couple of hours clearing my hard drive to make room for the new software.

Sun Missed work; spent afternoon making photo frames to enclose the pictures I picked up on Saturday; then made enormous lasagne and forced Jen and Richard to come round and help me eat it, and fix my scanner up.

Mon On time for 9am Russian history lecture for first time ever. Had every intention of going to the library and studying, but went for lunch at Wagamama with Richard and Ben "blast from the past" Maizels instead, then went home and scanned pictures all afternoon. Drunken phone call from the Thug in Italy.

Tue Lecture cancelled; went to the library and *read books for my dissertation* instead (everybody cheer, please). Was supposed to go to Little Havana with Jen and Kez but there was a power cut in Leicester Square so we went to Frank Charlie's and drank copious wine instead, then Jen came back to mine and I took her to the park opposite the station which is my favourite place for meditating on things (read: where I go to cry when I don't want anyone to see me), and we climbed up to the top of the climbing frame and discussed life and smoked. Then I dragged her into a bush in pursuit of a computer chair which turned out to be broken. Drunken phone call *to* the Thug in Italy. One2One are going to adore me.

Wed Worked 10-6pm; Liam so grateful I turned up half an hour late and he didn't say a word. Organised a week off in March so I can have time to be a serious basket case about my dissertations. Jen met me from work and we went and got *her* a scanner, then went back to mine and did Southern Comfort shots until the Thug turned up and drove us over to Richard's. Think Jen has thawed somewhat towards Phil which makes me happy. At any rate, we went to the pub and all got on swimmingly. Managed to be really pissed although not sure how. Left Jen and Richard and then drove back here; received copious presents, one of which has to be the sweetest thing anyone's ever given me. Slept the best night's sleep I have had in weeks.

Thu Plan to get up and go to the library when Phil went to work sort of failed because he didn't go to work until midday, so I went and did Crazy Salads with Jen and then came home and scanned Phil's Rio memorabilia. Worked 4-8pm; Phil bought me a new phone so I do not have to run upstairs everytime it rings. Was supposed to go to Frank Charlie's for the karaoke/cocktails night but went to the pictures and saw Blue Streak instead. Phil invented this new snack consisting of sweet popcorn and Maltesers but I have to say, it was a bit sickly. Made him feel sick in the end, too.

Fri Fell instantly back to sleep after the Thug left at 7am and nearly missed work; consequently had to go in without having a bath. Worked 11-7pm; wrote most of my book review for travel writing. Have read a total of 3 entire books at work this week, quite proud of myself. Finished work and rushed off to Chelsea to meet up with Tommy, my dad's colleague from Las Vegas. Took him to the Moon Under Water on Charing Cross Road to meet up with Jen, Kez, their Richards (Girlie Richard and Little Richard respectively) and Stuart. Pub wall to wall, could not find them for full 15 minutes. Moved onto the Rising Sun and then Frank Charlie's. Think the Yank enjoyed himself. Ended up hammered (SURPRISE!) and Tim gave me one of his special cocktails which was absolutely delicious. Managed to navigate my way home in possession of a kebab alone, which impressed me somewhat.

And so to today. Since I came home alone last night I didn't bother to put one single light on before I went to bed - cleaned my teeth in the dark, stripped in blackness &c. - and woke up this morning (again convinced I was late for work) to find I had slept on a book. The entire night, with a solid book under my spine. My back has ached all day. I'm finishing this entry post 3 bottles of wine and 2 pints so I am away to bed now, and will write more tomorrow, because do not fear, I have plenty to say, but cannot type straight.

Sunday 30th January

Now, where was I? Oh yes, avoiding that book review that's due in next week. Last night was pretty manic but it wasn't as bad for me as it was for Emilia, who actually drank less than me and ended up the worse for wear....luckily, the tube was stopping at Golders Green because I think she was about to chuck her guts up. Weird, I thought being Finnish she would drink me under the table.

Have decided I am close to being a total reprobate as I have been drunk 4 nights out of the past 5, and the night I wasn't drunk I was stoned. Had planned not to go out again until Beccy's birthday on Thursday and give my liver a rest, but apparently Tuesday has become the day Jen, Kez and I go out so that's that plan out of the window. Shame (grin)

D(issertation)-Day and Valentine's Day draw ever closer with the inevitability of having to pay Stu back any money you might owe him. Asked the Thug the other day if he was going to send me a Valentine's card...
Me: So, dyou think you'll send me a Valentine's card then?
(Uncomfortable pause)
Him: Don't know
Me: Oh, it's not important, I was just wondering because...
(Lucky interruption because I hadn't worked out what was going to come after "because")
Him: You know I don't do cards, birthday cards, Christmas cards, anything, I think they're all pointless (this is true)
Me: (brain working overtime) Oh, I agree, I agree, I was just checking you weren't going to send me one because it's like, a big capitalist plot to control people's minds by making single people miserable and making couples fall out so they break up and become miserable and then the capitalists gain more control over everybody and I don't agree with it at all, so don't send me one
Him: (snigger) That's the most unconvincing load of bollocks I have ever heard

I'm sure I could have come up with something better had I been totally lucid.