Natwest Bank claimed in the summer of 2001 that, to make their institution more efficient, they would be changing a small number of account numbers. One of these happened to be mine. It was my pre-student account and so I was not terribly bothered about it. I duly received my new paying in book and cheque book, and waited patiently for my new Switch card to arrive.
Nearly two months later, by the August bank holiday, I was still waiting. I continued to use my old Switch card to obtain money from ATMs and pay for goods and services, as instructed.
Approximately one hour after close of business on the Friday before the Bank holiday - or to put it another way, the most inconvenient time in the world - an ATM decided it didn't like my Switch card, and swallowed it. I was horrified. I was also going on holiday for a few days, and fully expected the new Switch card to be waiting for me upon my return. I had other ways to access my funds so it wasn't as bad as it might have been.
A week later, no Switch card was evident. I went into the bank. There I was told that no Switch card had ever been rodered for me and that that would be immediately rectified. I rumbled a bit but didn't push it. The pin turned up five days later. Then I went on holiday again. Upon my return - no Switch card.
I called Natwest Customer Disservices. They said they didn't know what had happened and would order me another one.
This time, I did not even get a pin. A week later, I rang Customer Disservices again. Again, they were very sorry, didn't know what had gone wrong, no card had been ordered, &c. My branch would contact me within 48 hours to arrange for a new card to be sent.
I waited 10 days. By this point I was building up for a big rant, so I called Customer Disservices once again. I was promised somebody would call me within 24 hours. The girl I spoke to was so apologetic, she did actually call me the next day to check everything was alright, so she is the only star of this piece.
Midday the next day. By this point I was ready to swing for the MD of Natwest. Still waiting for the call, I called myself. Suddenly, there was a different story. Another card had been ordered for me and sent out. In September. (This was taking place in mid-October). This card had not been cancelled. Nobody had mentioned it to me before. Apparently, it was (and still is) floating around the postal system. Customer Disservices told me to ring another number to cancel it. I spent 15 minutes on hold with them, and my card was duly cancelled - although it was a Solo card - not the Switch card I was promised.
I sat down and wrote the hissiest letter I could manage. I then rang Customer Disservices for the contact details of customer complaints, and was put on hold for ten minutes until I hung up and called back. Finally with the details at my disposal, I faxed, emailed and posted them a copy. Then, finally, somebody got back to me. She offered me another Solo card. I was ready to throw the phone out of the window by that point. I told her it was a good thing she'd rung because it saved me having to go down to my local branch the next day and demonstrate outside until somebody dealt with me. She said she'd sort it out.
I went against the grain and trusted her. This was the end of the saga - I got my Switch card. Ten weeks after I should have done. Since there are animals with gestation periods shorter than this, I remain unimpressed.
Nor do I think that this matter demonstrates how changing my account number has made them more efficient.
As an ex-student on with a graduate account, my overdraft is free, although a portion of it becomes susceptible to interest charges each June, the idea being to reduce overdrafts run up by students to zero within three years of them completing their studies. Fine and dandy. I understood this. But since I was returning to my studies in September, I didn't think it would affect me.
I telephoned Customer Disservices early in June to check, and they assured me that, yes, at the end of June when my overdraft interest rate would change, I could have my account switched back onto student terms and avoid interest charges. "Are you sure?" I pressed. "All I have to do is take documents into a branch of Natwest proving my impending student status, and the account will go to student terms in July? You're sure? Positive?" Yes, yes, yes, said the exasperated person at Customer Disservices.
So, the next day I toddled off to my local branch and produced my documentation from the Graduate Teacher Training Registry and a letter from my future university. The man took copies. He explained that at the end of June, my account would be switched back onto student terms. At this point he also updated my address details - something that would become important later on. "Are you sure?" I quizzed. "Positive? That's it? I don't have to do anything else? I'll get my student terms back? Definitely?" Yes, yes, yes, he sighed. He promised I would have a letter confirming this.
Two weeks later, July 1st, I realised I had yet to receive such a missive. I had a bad feeling, so I phoned Customer Disservices again, where I spoke to Nicola, who was unfortunate enough to be the Natwest employee who had to tell me that, no, my account was not on student terms and that the branch had no record of my paperwork. I railed a bit, but she was very apologetic and promised to make sure I didn't incur any interest charges (it works out about 50p a day which is quite a lot in the long run), and I realised there was nothing to be done.
With me so far? Natwest appeared to be doing something good for me, but then lost my paperwork. They did, however, have details of my new address, thus proving I had been at the bank on the day I said I had.
Armed with the same documents I had taken in before and a carefully typed letter for the person I dealt with to sign so I had proof that they had been received, I marched down to Natwest in my lunch hour the very next day. I was very stroppy with the attendant who took my name. And I got even stroppier with Larry Burt. Larry Burt was the poor unfortunate who had to tell me that Customer Disservices, when I rang them three weeks previously, had lied to me, and that his colleague, who had copied my documents a fortnight previously, had also lied to me.
For a start, my documents were no longer proof enough - a letter from the college was the only thing acceptable. Secondly, student terms would not be available until September.
I was ready to spit. I think he was sorry he'd sat down with me at a desk in the main bank because everybody could hear me calling his employers incompetent liars. I was horribly sarcastic and rude and kept cutting him off - "Why were these documents OK three weeks ago and not now? Why did your colleagues tell me this? Were they lying? Are you lying? Don't try and pass the buck! You're the human face of this bank and this bank has lied to me and let me down time and time again!" (I have a turn for melodrama)
Eventually he just sat back and said, "I'm going to wait until you've finished speaking because there's obviously no interrupting you." He was quite close to losing his rag, I think, but then - Natwest are Incompetent Bastards and somebody employed by them should have to suffer the way they have made ME suffer. I was nearly in tears by the time I left. How is it possible to tell someone one thing and then to totally refute it three weeks later?
How is it possible to lose documents and then a fortnight later claim that said documents are no longer acceptable? I wonder if maybe the person who copied my documents realised they were not proof and quietly shredded them rather than bothering to tell me.
You see, if they'd been honest, I would have been expecting an interest rate of 16.5% on the lion's share of my overdraft. If they'd explained what was required, I could have had a letter from the college done for them in plenty of time. But instead they deceived me and then possibly destroyed any evidence.
Who are they? Natwest Bank. And what are they? INCOMPETENT BASTARDS.