Monday 29th November

A day in the life of Sally...

5.38am - wake up and think I have to get up. Go back to sleep.
6.45am - Wake up, get up straight away cos have to wake up houseguest. Have breakfast, print out stuff for school I'd forgotten, leave, drive to work with houseguest who is such a grump in the mornings she doesn't speak once. This is fine with me because I'm so tired I don't feel like talking anyway.
8.20am - Morning briefing, boring.
8.30am - Assembly. One of my tutees is in the top three most rewarded pupils in the year group!
8.50am - Teaching Geography *yawn* - boring, pointless exercises. Digress and get pupils to tell me why I should move to their home town from Bristol as a tool to teach the benefits/drawbacks of high population density. Kids can't understand why I don't want to live in their home town. Thing peters out because I don't want to diss where they live.
9.50am - Free lesson! don't do any of my marking. try to call taking-the-piss student teacher who is skiving another two days (she doesn't teach this monday tuesday and hasn't turned up for them once yet but we had many meetings and things to do before her official obs this Thursday, grrrr).
10.50am - Duty, on the muddy field. Half-heartedly discourage children from smoking. Shout at boy for going into stagnant, disease-filled pond after his football. Boy, and mates, take piss out of me for shouting "GET OUT OF THE POND" over and over again. Report boy to senior duty.
11.05am - Teach IT. Well...open IT room, write some emails, browse on web, give occasional advice while kids do newsletters.
12.05pm - Lunch. Go foetal in my special squidgy staffroom chair.
12.40pm - Try to register group, but have to go set up computer activity for colleague. Group registered by other student teacher.
12.50pm - Year 11 - start coursework. Nasty girls at the back who are always bullying me have another little go because I tell one of them to rewrite her coursework because a) her writing is incomprehensible and b) the pages aren't numbered and c) she hasn't made any of the previous changes I've suggested. Apparently they feel this is unreasonable of me.
12.55pm - Have to leave class to go and set up computer activity AGAIN for colleague.
1.50pm - Get out of teaching second half of double as student teacher does it. I skive and read about the Virgin Mary's face in a grilled cheese sandwich. 2.50pm - End of school. Faculty meeting. Goes on until 4.40pm *sigh* 4.41pm - Drive home. Knackered.
5.30pm - Try and sort out Ebay auction as selling direct so now have to cancel. Hassle, hassle, hassle as I don't understand Ebay and it's very confusing after a Monday at work.
6.00pm - Go on Lush forum; watch television. Loop. Loop. Loop &c.
9.58pm - Decamp to bed with laptop. Reprint reports.
10.00pm - Phone call from taking-the-piss student teacher, who it now seems is not taking the piss but having-a-crisis. Feel horrible for not giving her the benefit of the doubt. Feel really happy that I didn't email the course tutor to complain, but instead wrote the email, sent it to myself and sat on it for a while.
11.39pm - Get all fed up as realise it is nearly midnight, I'm knackered and I've been sitting on the forum all night and now I'm doing this...

Friday November 26th

I had an Andrew Lincoln moment today. As in, Andrew Lincoln when he was Simon in Teachers, and he used to have those daydreams in class where all the pupils are cheering for him and saying how wonderful he is, and then he comes to and realises they're all staring at him because he's such a weirdo.

Only, today I wasn't dreaming. We started year 11 coursework today on the school, the idea of it is that they look at documents about the school in 1950 and use them to prove or disprove that children get a better secondary education today. I hadn't put much thought into the lesson but decided to try something for 10 minutes at the start to make it a little more interesting, since my student teachers were observing me. The activity ended up lasting the whole hour. We discussed what they thought of school today - it's not pretty, I can tell you *wry smile* They were coming out with comments about the Ofsted report, and everything - impressive; there was some realy deep thought and discussion going on which amazed me because this is the year 11 class that never speaks.

Anyway, towards the end, we started talking about which teachers are the best and why - they think the worst teachers are the ones who give you the answers and the best ones are the ones who explain it and then let you find the answers out for themselves - and they started tlaking about what a good teacher I was! It was so cool, I felt really flattered, although I'd say many of them were agreeing just because I was there and stuff, if a few of them think that, that's good enough for me. One of the worst girls in the school says I am her favourite teacher, and I have worked really hard with her so I am really happy she appreciates it. I'm well chuffed because she's dropped lots of her GCSEs but I think she's going to do really well in mine.

Go me! I'm on a real high now. Of course, I am about to teach ICT to the class who think I used to be a man so it might not last, but wanted to record it now so I can remind myself of why I do this job when I'm having a real low. Like yesterday, when one of my ickle tutor group got choked by a bigger boy, or Wednesday, when I lesson I'd stayed in school until 5.30pm on Tuesday to plan went down like a lead balloon. I'm going to shut up now before I bum myself out.

Thursday November 25th

I realised today that I just might be the Queen of Geeks at school. I have started my little Latin club, we only had 4 the first time but today 9 turned up, from year 7 to sixth form plus two teaching assistants who want to learn too, so it was like teaching a real lesson. I was chatting with my pupils after the class and we were discussing my mishap yesterday.

I can be a bit hot headed sometimes in school, and lose my temper or get carried away and forget that I am a responsible adult. I think the latter happens to most people sometimes, it's just much more noticeable at school. Yesterday I thought to have a little joke with one of my year tens, let's call him Moley. He's always late, but this time, because I was coming from an ICT lesson in the main block *I* was a bit behind. So I ran past him shouting, "You're late!" over my shoulder. "BOVVERED!" he replied, and then, "I could still beat you anyway." I started running. So did he. I speeded up, and the half eaten mince pie in my hand started to squish its sticky juice all over my hand. Moley drew level and I lobbed the mince pie in his general direction, intending to get rid of it more than anything.

Unfortunately for me, it splattered all over his hoodie.

He was quite upset, and arrived complaining bitterly, trying to wipe it on me, &c., so I sent him to rinse it off. He met the deputy head (my mentor from last year, Ada) in the corridor and told her all about it, so she came to reprimand me. Unfortunately, she was laughing so much it was a bit lost *snigger* But she did rightly point out that, as Moley had said, if he'd done that to me he'd have been in big trouble. She then took his top away to be washed in the food rooms, and gossip about it with every member of staff she could find (I assume).

I was a bit worried about it, but overheard Moley today telling his mate that his Mum had laughed when he'd told her and had just suggested that he should get me back. I am now expecting my car to be pied around Christmas time, but I probably deserve it. When he dawdled, distracting the other class, on his way to the toilet today, I went out to tell him off and he hared off down the ramp. "Oh, quick, give me a mince pie!" I murmured, and got a good laugh from the rest of the class. So I suppose, irresponsible though it was, I have thus far got away with it.

Anyway, I digress. I was relating this story to my Latin club today and they laughed until they cried. This is probably something to do with the fact that they are all the swatty kids who also attend self defence and would probably attend chess club if there was one (the sort of kid *I* was at school). Moley is only 20 IQ points away from being a Mead - gobby, verbally abusive: most of the girls in my class never bother to speak up because he's such a piss-taker. So I suppose Little Miss Geek Hand has grown into Miss Hand - Queen of the Geeks. I can finally get my own back for all the times I got taken the piss out of at school, and I can do things that my little Latin geeks can't for fear of reprisals. Like the time last year when I told that nasty little chav girl to get her roots done. Incidentally, she's changed hair colours three times already this year, thanks to the wonders of bleach. She'll be bald by the time she's 30, with any luck.

Wednesday November 24th

Is it me, or is the US condemnation of the Ukrainian elections just slightly hypocritical? They started off by urging them not to announce the winner straight away. Yes, much better to wait until you've got some good friends in the Supreme Court to bend the rules so that there's no arguing with you. Now Colin Powell (isn't he gone yet?) is saying Washington "cannot accept" the election result as legitimate. Well, when Bush got elected it was pretty hard for the rest of the world, and many of your own compatriots, to swallow, but we just had to suck it up.

I'm waiting now for that shit Putin to come out saying that Yushchenko must be crushed and Yanukovych must be supported as part of "the war on terror", like when he beats up the Chechnyans and talks about banning regional elections. I suppose the one good thing about the hypocritical American stance is that, hopefully, Putin might realise that the rest of the world is on to him and his days are finally numbered. Some bloody democracy that is...WHave your own government, but your president must be my puppet, my PUPPET I TELL YOU! muhahahahaha....and you, Chechnyans, shut up, take off that robe, worship this icon and give me all your oil, you muslim scum."

Hmmm. I'm not particularly well-educated in this area. I expect there are plus points to Putin. He cuts a rather dashing gib in his wooden doll form on my mantelpiece.

Exciting news 1 - our new cooker arrived today. It is shiny and silver, and it has a clock on it. And it's got a gas hob! We had to buy a new one, I hadn't cleaned the old one ever, not even when we moved in, and I couldn't face scraping two and a half plus years worth of burnt on food out of it. So we just got a new one. (Also two of the four electric hobs were broken, it was so old it was called "Starlight"). It's so lovely. Love cooker. It was courtesy of Mother and Father Z. Mother Z came round to housesit with the corgi plumber while Mr Z went to fetch him his money, and apparently spent much of the time bitching about the appalling squalour we live in. What can I say - a tidy home is not a priority for me.

Exciting news 2 - I was voted Miss Slinky at my Slimming World class! I got a certificate and sash and everything, it was very exciting. Nicky, my consultant, said I deserved it, but I feel perhaps she had to give me something, I've been going for so long in spite of my lack of success over the past...2 years, damn, I'm crap...Anyway, I'm feeling all motivated and shall hopefully lose 6 pounds this week. And gain 5 back the week after.

Oh BOLLOCKS. Redknapp's resigned. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, and we were doing so well, too. That's Pompey relegated next season then *sigh*

Monday November 22nd

See, I told you it would happen and I wouldn't post again for ages. In truth, I've been in mourning over the American election. It just goes to show, the Americans are as stupid as everybody says they are. Even their controversial, ground breaking, world changing things are stupid. Like the gay Bishop, for example. The Anglican church finally makes an effort to change, and he's quoted in the news saying, "Christians should stop worrying about issues of sexuality and start worrying about Jesus". WHAT? *cough* *cough* Wasn't it the church who created issues of sexuality in the first place? Silly hypocrite.

After a lovely, quiet half term spent tearing around the country visiting Sian in Essex (we went to Southend for the day and drank lots of wine) and Kerrie in Orpington (lovely house she's got there) and Stu in Hatfield (trip down memory lane!) and doing no work at all (I had none to do, I wasn't being lazy), I returned to school and found myself totally snowed under with a ridiculous amount of work. I haven't stopped for the past three weeks and I am totally exhausted, and I'm still not done! Things should settle a little bit now that my students have taken my year eight and nine classes, so at least I don't have to worry about planning and marking for those, which is just as well because it's going to take a lot of time to chase up, mark and remark all the coursework my year elevens are producing (or not producing, that's a whole new problem though). My students are turning out pretty good, one os from Portsmouth and was a teaching assistant at Priory (which is the school round the corner from Mother Hand) so he's flying; the other is older, with five children and has no school background; she is constantly horrified by the behaviour of the pupils and can't understand the fact that she doesn't automatically command respect. That's not to say she is arrogant, I think she's just finding it quite surprising. She's got a way to go!

I know I shouldn't say this, but I am getting fed up with hearing about Iraq. Every news bulletin, especially the BBC, they're obsessed. I think these Black Watch soldiers will be the nail in the coffin at the next election, if anything is. I heard a program about the structural work that's going on there, they were interviewing the people that are working out there laying sewers. This seems good for the Iraqis, they'll have basic amenities and stuff. But what made me curious was the fact that, when they were interviewing the engineers and the builders, and every so often someone's mobile would go off in the background. So, are we to understand that this place has no sewers, but there's mobile phone signal for everybody? That sounds a bit suspect to me.